A Golden Girl, Indeed

Who didn't love Bea Arthur? Just ask someone (over 30?) what they think of Bea and you'll probably hear, "I loved Bea Arthur!" They may even add something about how great Golden Girls was...

And, then you read a headline like this: "Bea Arthur Leaves $300K To Gay Youth". . . and you love her even more.

For those who may have heard your mothers say over and over, "Everything happens for a wise purpose," you will appreciate the light Bea's death and donation has brought to a cause she truly believed in. Protecting homeless LGBT youth is The Ali Forney Center's mission. Since 2002, the organization has housed and helped thousands of LGBT youth who have been forced out of their homes for being... well, who they are.

The center's work is incredibly noble and worthy of support. And, thankfully, even in death - Bea Arthur continues to help keep that work alive.

David, David, David - What Have You Done?

The news broke on October 1, 2009: David Letterman had multiple affairs with female staffers. And, he was being blackmailed for $2 million. Yikes.

The story is not uncommon - man cheating on his wife; employer sleeping with employee; celebrity guilty of, well, something!

The question now becomes, "Is there a lawsuit coming?" We live in America - of course there's a lawsuit coming! A better question is how many or which kinds of lawsuits? It's not yet clear if this is grounds for a sexual harassment suit - either by the women he slept with, or by the other staffers who had to work in this environment. This article from Find Law is a great breakdown on the possible, legal implications of his actions, as well as a differentiation between types of harassment and whether there is a case here (if legal nuances bore you, you may want to skip to the second half of the article).

Even more interesting is the discussion about the working environment at The Late Show, and in the workplace, in general. Nell Scovell, a former writer from The Late Show, wrote a compelling, personal tale in Vanity Fair of what it was like to work for Letterman; what is was like to not be the object of his affection; to know your career would not progress because you were one of his... types. It is clearly hard enough to be a writer in these all-male dominated writing rooms of late night television (Conan, Leno, and Letterman all employ NO female writers), but how much harder must it be when you're juggling sexual politics as well?

So many issues have surfaced because of this story. Hopefully, people will not shy away from discussing appropriate and inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Obviously, some people meet their significant others at their jobs (David Letterman's wife was a production staffer at Late Night when they met). On his last show, Jay Leno introduced us to over 60 kids who had been born to staffers who met while working for the show over the past 17 years. These were staff members... but, shouldn't the boss be held to a higher standard? When your name appears above the building you walk into everyday, don't you set the tone for everything that goes on there? This article in New York Magazine seems to suggest as much where it quotes one former staffer as saying of Dave and his assistants: "They rule by fear. You don’t want to make Dave mad or so-and-so mad, so you better do a good job. Everyone there is scared of their shadow all the time.”

With that type of working environment, how many women who value their jobs are willing to turn an advance away? And, how many more struggle to figure out how they can get in the boss' good graces? It's a complicated situation, no question . . . But, completely avoidable.

Couldn't resist:

The Top Ten Things To Learn From David Letterman's Escapades:

10. Extortion? Not cool.
9. It may never be clear whether these women had relationships with Letterman to advance their careers, because they felt they had to, or just because they wanted to.
8. Hitting on people who work for you is in the least inappropriate, at worst sexual harassment.
7. Not hitting on some, while hitting on others, is sexual favoritism and can create a "hostile work environment."
6. Late-night talk shows have no female writers.
5. This will probably do nothing to Letterman's popularity, but let's hope it fosters change in the business of The Late Show.
4. Blackmail is the least of David Letterman's concerns.
3. The ignorance in the "Comments" section of Letterman-related articles is astounding.
2. Apparently, none of us would understand the reference of a "head cheerleader" without accompanying it with an insult: a former staffer said, "...I think he's also going for easy targets... He's not going to ask the head of the cheerleading team to prom. He's going to ask the head of the band or something." (What did the head of the band do to you?!)
1. Don't cheat on your wife.

The Worst Man In History

Who, you ask? Try all of us. Yep, modern man, when compared to men of the past - way, way back, past - could be the "the sorriest cohort of masculine Homo sapiens to ever walk the planet." That according to a new book by Peter McAllister entitled, "Manthropology."

In the book, McAllister, an anthropologist, makes claims that prehistoric man was faster and stronger than man is today. In fact, some women were stronger than modern man is today, too. The why [this happened] makes perfect sense - we don't have to run down our own food anymore, we don't take part in war the same way, and our tests of manhood come in very different forms now. The why he chose to reveal this information is less clear.

*Note: It might be important to introduce a new "Man Law" at this time:

• Rule #45: If you find in your research that man has become weak, shiftless, and a basic waste of space, do not release these findings in a book that is easily accessible by our female counterparts.

Can you hear the fights men and women will have now?! ("You aren't half the man you used to be!") The insults are limitless... Women already have enough ammunition with the dumb things men do, why provide more fodder?

It that's not enough, wait for McAllister's next book about the Aka Pygmies of Western Congo: "Dubbed the 'best fathers in the world', the men spent most of their time raising the children, going so far as to offer their nipples for the babies to suck on."

MCALLISTERRRR!!! WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE?!?!

Hopefully, his work will open up some interesting dialogues on the concepts of health, activity, and manhood. Even if it does paint a sorrowing picture of devolution...

Out Of The Darkness

Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the "Out of the Darkness Community Walks" are designed to raise money and awareness to the issues of depression and suicide. They also assist those who have lost someone close to them to suicide.

Among the facts you can read on their site, AFSP posts that although women attempt suicide three times as much as men, men account for four times as many deaths by suicide. And, looking through the statistics, many of them "make sense;" meaning, one can understand the reasons behind them. For example, although guns are the leading method of suicide in both men and women, men tend to use this more immediate, more fatal option first vs. trying pills or other methods. Women tend to seek help (in this case, a cry for help) more than men. No matter the reason or method, those left behind after suicide must "try to make sense of it."

Last winter, two high-school boys in New York City - one at Packer Collegiate School, one at The Dalton School - took their lives, leaving their communities struggling to find answers. This Sunday, October 18th, a team from Packer is walking to honor their classmate, student, and friend Chris. If you would like more information on how to participate, or wish to monitor or donate to team "Packer Generations" (they've already raised over $11,000!), please visit the site.

Hating On Hate

We've all read about hate crimes or seen them on the news. But, watching them - on video or in person - surfaces an entirely different emotional response. It has to.

On October 9, 2009, Jack Price was attacked and brutally beaten near his home in Queens, NY. The video is extremely disturbing. On it, two young men simply pounce on the 49 year-old on a desolate street. They show no regard for his life or their own - barely even pausing as two cars pass them - one at arm's length. Jack Price is currently struggling for his life...

We have an answer to the "why," but it doesn't seem to explain it: Price was apparently targeted because he is gay (his assailants yelled anti-gay hatred at him). He was also robbed, but it's clear from the video that 1. They could have robbed him without the excessive beating, and 2. It was almost an afterthought. No, these guys had venom in their hearts and took it out on someone who did nothing to provoke them.

The thought that these two focused in on Price because of his apparent sexuality forces us to try to understand not only where this hate comes from, but what makes it brew until an explosion like this. Were they bullied as kids? Were they taught that homosexuality is a punishable offense? Are they grappling with sexuality issues of their own? The more we understand about this deep-seated anger, the better chance we have of ridding ourselves of hate crimes.

We shouldn't search for understanding, however, to generate any compassion for these criminals; every word being used seems fitting: deplorable, heinous, despicable, unforgivable. Why we should search for understanding is to prevent the next attack.

When Facebooking Goes Wrong...

As social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter continue to grow in popularity, more and more related issues are being unearthed: Are we losing human contact and face-to-face interaction? What is appropriate to reveal online? Are we spending too much time updating our statuses?

Schools are restricting access; businesses are researching candidates' online "brands" before hiring; sports teams are enacting rules about what, where, and when you can "social network." Apparently, even our government is cracking down on tweeting...

What is clear, is that there is very little that is clear. When are inappropriate times to use these social networking sites? When is regulation impinging on free speech? How much information is too much to share?

We are very interested to hear what your school or organization's policies are where social networking sites are concerned. Can students be held accountable - by the school - for what they post on these sites? Have you encountered incidents of student bullying or harassment through these sites, even if not on school time? Please feel free to add a comment here or shoot us an email: javaid@gp-bp.org

No matter what the policy, there is one rule we should all learn from this story: If you're going to break into someone's house, don't use their computer to check your Facebook account!

(Or, at least logout...)

Jesus Was Hot In That, Too!

Great line from a fantastic piece: "Coming Out In Middle School,"by Benoit Denizet-Lewis. The article chronicles stories of middle schoolers from Oklahoma to California who identify as gay or bisexual. Some are out to their families, peers, and schools, some aren't. And, although each kid's story is unique, there is one thought that consistently makes an appearance:

"You're so young, how could you possibly know already?"

Many acknowledge in the article how flawed this argument really is. How many would question it if your 12 year-old son or nephew said he had a crush on a girl? Would he be too young to know? The mother of 12 year-old Kera put it best: "I knew I was interested in boys when I was her age, so it didn’t strike me as unusual that Kera might know she’s interested in boys and girls, put two and two together and call herself bisexual. Kids just know what those words mean a lot earlier than when I was growing up.”

Obviously, not everyone is able to see the logic in that sentiment. From being ostracized by friends and family to actually being assaulted (with a bible?!), these teens and pre-teens are faced with a difficult choice of whether to come out or not; something generations before them faced, but without the presence of school organizations (like GSAs - Gay, Straight, Alliances), and probably with less open-minded adults around them.

What stands out in all of their stories is the role school plays in their lives. A comedian once said something like, "I don't know why parents beat their kids... when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent." Parents play a huge role in our lives, but acceptance by the peer group at this age? Hard to say whether it's more important, but it's certainly up there. Some schools seem to get this concept completely. But, addressing issues of sexuality is still not easy for every teacher to do. Comments from teachers range from avoidance to discomfort:

"If I have to stop what I’m doing every time a student says ['You're gay!'], I won’t have any time to teach!"

Jennifer Mathieu Blessington of Johnston Middle School in Houston has adopted a simple policy that more teachers should try to impart on their students: "We don’t use the word 'gay' in a negative way in this classroom. Gay people are human beings, and that’s the way we talk about them in here. Is that understood?"

And, the discomfort:

"... Others are afraid to address the language because they feel like it would mean talking about sexuality, which they aren’t comfortable doing in a middle school setting."

The Girl Talk and Boy Talk Blogs are not intended to be plugs for our program. Through our blogs, we hope to facilitate discussions and stimulate some thought - and, occasionally offer a fun read. But, it's so hard to see a sentiment like this without thinking about The Girls & Boys Projects. In addition to trying to empower students to find their own voices, we also hope teachers will obtain new language and comfortability in dealing with these social issues.

As is clearly evident from the article, changing the culture of a school - of a society - is a collaborative effort. And, we're glad to be doing our part.

From The Dept. Of Redundancy Dept.

(... Thanks Stuart Scott for that title)

Stumbled upon a really interesting site recently: Science Blog. The site reports on various scientific studies being done - topics and their outcomes.

Fascinating piece of information on smoking (you'll thank us later): turns out that parents influence their children when it comes to smoking. The more communication against smoking, the less likely a child is to start the habit. Conversely, if the parents smoke, the child is more likely smoke.

And, in a related story, the more exposure you have to the sun, the more likely you are to be hot . . .

Seriously, how much money was spent on this research? Maybe it's important at times to study something we assume to be true, just to be sure . . . But, this one seems all too obvious. What we might want to know instead is what those "guidelines" are that parents should set for their kids (is it "Don't ever smoke" or "Don't smoke in gym class"?). What campaigns have been effective and what ads contribute to youth smoking? What strategies are being given to kids to fight peer pressure?

Thankfully, Science Blog offers a lot more on its site. Parents shouldn't need to be told that their voice matters . . . But, if it helps to remind one parent, we can forgive the study. ;)

The Normalization Of Failure

The Black Male Donor Collaborative held an event this week to introduce potential funders to the great work the organization has undertaken. The program saw very passionate speakers addressing the problems Black males face in the public school system in America, particularly in New York City.

While there were many insights that evening, two ideas stood out. The first, offered by Dr. John Jackson, President and CEO of The Schott Foundation is that there is no "silver-bullet" to solve all of the inequities in public education. The solution is a combined effort that focuses on better resources, teacher accountability, funding for schools and programs that work, removing those that don't, and the list goes on.

The other idea appears in this entry's title: "the normalization of failure." Dr. Pedro Noguera of NYU is the lead researcher for the Collaborative. Among other things, his work has highlighted the fact that while the country may not be consciously steering Black males to fail in school or end up in prison, most Americans have come to view this as the norm; a position he refuses to accept.

It was refreshing to hear emphasis placed on the "whole child," which shows the importance programs like The Girls & Boys Projects have on our young people's full development. While testing is important, if a child is unhappy in school, he (or she) will eventually not want to be there. Obviously, it's going to take a real collaborative effort to turn our educational system around...

Hear The One About The Gay Penguins?

No, really...

Earlier this summer, Z and Vielpunkt hatched a penguin chick in a zoo in Germany. They are both males. And, they aren't the first such pair. In The San Francisco Zoo, Harry and Pepper (pictured below) - together since 2003 - also raised a chick as a same-sex penguin couple.

Both stories provide fascinating insight into the animal kingdom where sexuality and parenting is concerned. What is equally interesting is human reaction to these penguin stories. In Germany, gay rights advocates protested when females were introduced to encourage reproduction. In San Francisco, the couple split when Harry . . . 'went straight' - the apparent undoing by a home-wrecking female - and, those against gay rights used the story as proof of homosexuality's being unnatural.

What was clear in both stories, however, was that none of the other penguins in either colony had a problem with the same-sex couples. Could they have felt that a couple choosing to raise a baby was a good thing, regardless of the circumstance? Wish we knew . . .

A fun story deserves a fun ending. Penguin humor for you:

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."