Dad Life

A friend shared this with us. It has to at least make you smile...

The Girls & Boys Projects recognizes all of the fathers out there! :)

A Losing Battle

The race against the damaging effects of social networking sites continues to get tougher. Parents, teachers, youth advocates, and policy makers are all banging their heads against the wall about what to do with all of the unregulated, online chatter. The latest site receiving some attention? Formspring.

Through Formspring, users can send anonymous comments and questions for others to answer. Questions can be innocent ("What's your favorite color?"), investigative ("Do you like guys with red hair?"), or even invasive ("What size bra do you wear?"). The comments, however, can be much more sinister. Users, mostly kids, are often sending mean-spirited messages that are sometimes nothing short of cyberbullying.

What is most confounding about the site and process is that each user must accept the comment in order for it to become public and posted to their wall. In other words, if you are seeing a negative comment on someone's wall, it's because he/she posted it there! If your own kids are allowing negative posts about them to be public, how can we fight the damaging blows to their self-esteem?

As with so many issues kids are facing today, there is no one solution to this epidemic. As covered in this article, there are numerous sites that offer people a chance to post anonymously to others' pages (such as Tumblr or Honesty Box, a Facebook add-on). And, trying to regulate these sites or restrict their usage is a losing battle. Kids will find ways to log in, new options will pop up, and parents will be left scratching their heads.

We are not going to win the battle against the internet. What we have to do is continue to arm our kids with the tools to make informed decisions - both about what they read and believe, as well as what they write. Help them understand that the anonymity of the web allows people to hide behind comments they may not even believe as they are typing them. And, we need to build up their confidence so the negative comments don't lead to negative outcomes. Every ugly post doesn't have to hurt so much...

That's the hope, at least...

From The "You Can't Be Serious" Department

Comes this story about a new game kids are playing. The type of game that anyone over the age of 22 has to scratch his head and wonder, "Am I just old? Because this makes no sense..."

The recent death by suffocation of an 11 year-old in Nebraska has brought light to a game kids are playing for the rush they get - a choking game. As quoted in an AOL News piece, "The purpose is when you have restricted oxygen and blood flow to your brain, you get a euphoric rush." Some are trying it solo, others in groups. And, as is clearly evident, kids are dying from it.

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell writes about the bizarre epidemic of suicide in Micronesia in the 70's and 80's. He discusses how an idea can become contagious, like a virus. It appears that games like these are having a similar effect.

Every now and then, we learn about something new that kids are trying for the thrill - mixing over the counter medicines, sniffing glue, playing in traffic or on train tracks. But, what parent ever imagines having to have the "Don't choke yourself" talk?

Some ideas (like the one in the picture above) just don't seem to need a discussion. Let's just hope this choking game doesn't 'tip' . . .

Is It Really That Simple?

It appears the video has been made private. If it opens up again, we'll repost!

Yeah, probably... Too pure to not share.

Let's Talk About Sex!

Jay Leno commented on a study earlier this week that revealed that parents wait too long to talk to their kids about sex. By the time they start the conversation, kids are already active. Jay's joke?

"Hey Kev, you know what you call parents who wait too long to talk about sex with their kids? Grandparents."

Nicely done, sir... But, he does bring up a good point, albeit extreme. Wait too long and... well, you may have waited too long! It's a topic that parents struggle with across the board: When is the right time to talk to my child about sex?

According to the piece in NurtureShock (a Newsweek blog), when kids start asking the questions, parents should start providing the answers. The article continually mentions "The Talk" and when to sit down with your kids. And, some of the reader comments demonstrate just how scary it can be for a parent... and just how necessary it is for a child.

But, thinking of it as "The Talk" is probably what makes it so daunting. If your children have questions about where babies come from at 3 or 4, answer those questions as honestly and directly (trying not to get lost in metaphor) as you can. And, if you feel you've left something out or need to explain something better, come back the next day and add to it. By creating ongoing dialogue, you're creating a safe space for your children to ask questions whenever they arise, thus putting the pieces in place to help them make informed decisions in life. And, you probably won't be overwhelmed with questions you're not prepared to answer (or uncomfortable with) in one session - as you might be if you wait until your child is 16!

There is no one way to go about this - each parent has to do what works best for them and what their kids need most. Hopefully, however, people will discuss less and less "The Talk" and more often, well, just talks.
__

Of course, the title of this post only makes you think... Salt-N-Pepa! They know what they're talking about...

Let's talk about sex for now 
to the people at home / or in the crowd

It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
'Cuz that ain't gonna stop it

P.S. This statistic jumped out at us: "And about 60 percent of kids had heard about contraception and STDs before their sexual initiation." It's mind-boggling to read statistics like these... and, reassuring to know just how needed programs like The Girls & Boys Projects are...

"Medicaid"... or "MedicATE"?

Did you catch the eye-opening piece in The New York Times this weekend, Poor Children Likelier to Get Antipsychotics? Fascinating... We can basically assume that there will be class disparities in almost every facet of life. Whether discussing inequities in the education system, gentrification, disease, employment, etc. those with less are seemingly always up against more. But, the notion that poor kids are being drugged at alarmingly higher rates than their middle- and upper-class counterparts with similar symptoms really seems... well, "unfair" doesn't capture it.

Studies revealed that Medicaid is prescribing antipsychotic medication four times as fast to the poorest children, and often for much less serious conditions. The problem? Obviously, no one wants to over-medicate children. But, these drugs can also lead to various complications, including heart and weight issues. It isn't bad enough that poor neighborhoods are populated with fast-food options while bereft of healthy choices, now the medicines being prescribed are compounding the problem?

Hopefully, this piece will raise the awareness of the decision makers - from doctors to health-care reformers - to analyze the current policies and practices in the prescribing of medication. The message also must reach poor parents who need to understand it is within their rights to ask questions of their insurance companies and doctors. For many groups, a doctor's word is law and is almost never questioned. But, we all have the right to gather more information, obtain second opinions, and seek alternatives to medicating.

And, where children's health is concerned, parents should have more information - not less.

Toddlers In Tiaras?

Not a problem, until it's your son... Or, is it a problem?

Time Out New York Kids' article profiles three kids - two toddlers and an eight-year old - who prefer to look and dress like their opposite gender. And, for the hip New York moms and dads featured, the parental route to pursue is support vs. confusion. If that's what he wants to wear, if that's what makes him happy, then why fight it?

The article's subtitle is very interesting: "Got a cross-dressing kid? Ease up on the validation, experts say—it may not be what you think." The author's point is that parents of children who like to play cross-dress-up should not rush to judgement in either direction. Historically, parents tried to 'reverse the curse,' fearing that their kids might turn out to be gay, bi, or just confused. But, many modern parents try to go the other route and support - even push - a transgender lifestyle, which according to the article is not guaranteed.

Obviously, there is no one solution. However, the study cited in the article puts the chance at 75% that a child who cross-dresses with eventually identify as homosexual or bisexual. These yearnings and demonstrations by a child may be exactly the identifiers parents are constantly looking for to tell them who their child will eventually be (you know the parents who get excited when their daughter picks up a basketball, or when their son shows an affinity for singing?). At 75%, it's a lot more than a possibility...

The article ends by acknowledging that talking to your child is the most important part of the process. Indeed, these parents may make some mistakes along the way, but as long as their kids know that they are supported, they're on the right path.

From The Dept. Of Redundancy Dept.

(... Thanks Stuart Scott for that title)

Stumbled upon a really interesting site recently: Science Blog. The site reports on various scientific studies being done - topics and their outcomes.

Fascinating piece of information on smoking (you'll thank us later): turns out that parents influence their children when it comes to smoking. The more communication against smoking, the less likely a child is to start the habit. Conversely, if the parents smoke, the child is more likely smoke.

And, in a related story, the more exposure you have to the sun, the more likely you are to be hot . . .

Seriously, how much money was spent on this research? Maybe it's important at times to study something we assume to be true, just to be sure . . . But, this one seems all too obvious. What we might want to know instead is what those "guidelines" are that parents should set for their kids (is it "Don't ever smoke" or "Don't smoke in gym class"?). What campaigns have been effective and what ads contribute to youth smoking? What strategies are being given to kids to fight peer pressure?

Thankfully, Science Blog offers a lot more on its site. Parents shouldn't need to be told that their voice matters . . . But, if it helps to remind one parent, we can forgive the study. ;)

Hear The One About The Gay Penguins?

No, really...

Earlier this summer, Z and Vielpunkt hatched a penguin chick in a zoo in Germany. They are both males. And, they aren't the first such pair. In The San Francisco Zoo, Harry and Pepper (pictured below) - together since 2003 - also raised a chick as a same-sex penguin couple.

Both stories provide fascinating insight into the animal kingdom where sexuality and parenting is concerned. What is equally interesting is human reaction to these penguin stories. In Germany, gay rights advocates protested when females were introduced to encourage reproduction. In San Francisco, the couple split when Harry . . . 'went straight' - the apparent undoing by a home-wrecking female - and, those against gay rights used the story as proof of homosexuality's being unnatural.

What was clear in both stories, however, was that none of the other penguins in either colony had a problem with the same-sex couples. Could they have felt that a couple choosing to raise a baby was a good thing, regardless of the circumstance? Wish we knew . . .

A fun story deserves a fun ending. Penguin humor for you:

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

G.E.O.A.T.

"The Greatest Entertainer Of All Time"

That's how Michael Jackson was remembered today at his historic memorial service.

You would have had to be living in an underground bunker without internet, phone, or television service not to know (and without friends or family). The coverage of this icon has dominated the headlines and drawn comparisons to the deaths of Pope John Paul II and Princess Di. And, during that coverage, many have articulated conflicted feelings about Michael given the controversies that surrounded him.

Question is, why do we overlook the flaws of some, yet refuse to for others? This type of "choice acceptance" could be a sociological study. Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, yet one would be hard-pressed to find a public figure calling him a rapist. Martin Luther King had extramarital affairs, but hardly gets the treatment Bill Clinton receives. Today, some call Michael a hero, others a monster. How history will tell Michael's story is unclear. But, there was one thing that was clear today: Michael Jackson's music inspired.

John Stewart recently told Bruce Springsteen that his music was inspiration when he needed direction. He credited Springsteen with making him who he is today. Similarly, on his last shows, Jay Leno gave credit to James Taylor, acknowledging that he heard Taylor's song in the car and it inspired him to go on the road and become the comedian we now know.

It is safe to say that The King of Pop has a ton of stories like these of his own. If he moved you, you understand. If not, take solace in knowing that he had this effect on others. When we had fights with our parents, we could close the door and listen to Mike. When we were preparing for the biggest school dance of the year, we could work on our steps to his music. When we needed to forget about life's troubles on a dancefloor, his songs provided the score. It's not simply an obsession with stardom. For many, Michael Jackson has been with us when no one else was.

And, for that, he deserves his day.

Enjoy an old favorite:

Daddy's Home! (Not By Choice)

Have you noticed a rise in stroller-pushing Dads in your neighborhood? And, not just on the weekends? It turns out the economy has relegated many fathers to new professions: Stay-At-Home Dads.

It will be interesting to watch how this trend plays out. Not only are gender roles being challenged - or balanced - in terms of parenting, but there are also the sometimes unspoken dynamics which surround whose is the primary income in the house. In "Dreams From My Father," Barack Obama discusses this dynamic between his grandmother and grandfather and the challenges it created in their household. That was the 60's. We've made great strides since then. More women are in the workforce, earn more money than they used to, and compete for higher positions. But, will both parents be ok with a wife's being the breadwinner? With a husband without a job? With a father being a stay-at-home dad?

We'll have to wait and see. Let's just hope those fathers out there are able to see that the unfortunate position of being out of work does not compare to the fortunate position of raising your child everyday... No matter how exhausting.

Mayor Bloomberg, I Need A Voucher

Are you a Black boy?

Do you want to graduate from high school?

Move to North Dakota.

It's a well-known mantra among Black Americans, especially older generations: "Black people have to work twice as hard to get half the chance."  The notion behind this sentiment is personified in an eye-opening study conducted by The Schott Foundation, "Given Half a Chance: The Schott 50 State Report on Public Education and Black Males."

The study uncovers glaring statistics and conclusions illustrating just how badly our school systems are failing Black males. Two that stood out most are:

1. North Dakota is the best performing state for Black males.  Upside? An 89% graduation rate.  Downside? Well, let's just say if you're looking to blend in, this may not be the place...

And, 2: Black males do better in White schools.  The report specifies that this is not due to proximity with White students, but rather enrollment in well-resourced schools (dedicated staff, libraries, textbooks and computers, science labs, etc.).

The question then becomes, can this mother really be in jail for sending her kids to a better school district? Maybe she read the report and knows that New York State ranked 45th (and New York City #1) on the "Lowest Performing" scale... Can't blame her for trying to give her kids the other half a chance, can you?