Dad Life

A friend shared this with us. It has to at least make you smile...

The Girls & Boys Projects recognizes all of the fathers out there! :)

Black Woman Walking

This could easily have been posted on our Girl Talk blog... But, it's probably more important for our guys to LISTEN to what these women are saying:

If I Were A Boy…

If you’re an avid sports fan, you think you’ve pretty much seen it all. And, then that happens…

On November 5, 2009, University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert, at best, lost her cool in a game vs. BYU. At worst, she crossed the line between on-field violence and assault. In a video montage that might make Mike Tyson cringe (or smile, not sure), Lambert is seen tugging, pushing, elbowing, punching, kicking, and eventually viciously yanking the ponytail of an opponent on the pitch.This type of incident undoubtedly brings attention from the media and casual fan alike. People not used to seeing how physical contact sports can be are disgusted at what they saw. In particular, many are shocked to see it occur amongst young women.

Most already know that these games are physical. The pushing and elbowing are hardly newsworthy. But, we can probably all agree that the ponytail pull crossed a serious line. Not only could she have seriously injured someone, but it was an ugly cheapshot.

However, there is a place one should take exception in this story. Lambert says, “I definitely feel because I am a female it did bring about a lot more attention than if a male were to do it. It’s more expected for men to go out there and be rough.”

The notion that the story would not warrant such attention if it were men playing - that this type of violence is not a big deal in men’s sports - could not be further from the truth. While many may have been appalled because of the gender of the players involved, let us not forget the type of attention male players receive when their actions extend beyond the unwritten rules of aggressive, but fair play. To avoid turning this into a sports blog, here are some terms you should Google at your own leisure to see if her opinion holds weight:

• Mike Tyson + Evander Holyfield + ear + bite
• J.R. Reid + A.C. Green + teeth
• Rudy Tomjanovich + Kermit Washington + punch
• Jerramy Stevens + Tyler Brayton + knee
• Marty McSorley + Donald Brashear + stick
• Troy Polamalu + hair tackle

The list goes on and on. And, in many of these incidents, fans argued whether criminal charges should have been filed (some were). In certain cases, the violence even led to changes in the laws that govern the sport.

To say men do not receive this type of attention is simply false. If a male player yanked another player’s hair, snapping his neck back while he wasn’t looking? We would have been discussing criminal charges. There is precedence for this type of aggressive act.

Elizabeth Lambert was wrong in her opinion and wrong in her actions. Hopefully, she will continue to try to make it right.

A First Time For Everything

Every now and then, you read a story and think to yourself, "Seriously, what is wrong with men?" (You do, right?)

Well, if you haven't, this will be the first. The Guardian reports that a Chinese company has been manufacturing artificial "Virginity Hymens." (I'm sorry, did he just say-) Yes, you read correctly.

The goal is obvious: to give her partner the illusion that it is her first time having sex.

The product itself is wrong on almost too many levels to cover here. But, it is the motivation behind its creation that's even more disturbing. For whom was this created? If we were discussing saving women's lives in countries where women are persecuted or murdered for allegedly losing their virginity before marriage, women who may have previously been raped or simply not bled during intercourse, the need for such a product would be saddening, but at least noble in attempt.

Judging from the website's product description, and the fact that it is sold on an adult toys site, protecting women was not the impulse:

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

Is this what some men really need? Are we still so obsessed with virginity that we have to create modern versions of archaic practices to trick men into believing they are sleeping with virgins? And, in truth, it's not just men holding women to these unrealistic, anatomical standards - there are women who thrust equal venom at pre-marital sex. But, of course, if it didn't matter to men so much . . .

It's sad that in 2009 we are reverting to such practices; pathetic that we would even have to.

We can do so much better than this...

Out Of The Darkness

Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the "Out of the Darkness Community Walks" are designed to raise money and awareness to the issues of depression and suicide. They also assist those who have lost someone close to them to suicide.

Among the facts you can read on their site, AFSP posts that although women attempt suicide three times as much as men, men account for four times as many deaths by suicide. And, looking through the statistics, many of them "make sense;" meaning, one can understand the reasons behind them. For example, although guns are the leading method of suicide in both men and women, men tend to use this more immediate, more fatal option first vs. trying pills or other methods. Women tend to seek help (in this case, a cry for help) more than men. No matter the reason or method, those left behind after suicide must "try to make sense of it."

Last winter, two high-school boys in New York City - one at Packer Collegiate School, one at The Dalton School - took their lives, leaving their communities struggling to find answers. This Sunday, October 18th, a team from Packer is walking to honor their classmate, student, and friend Chris. If you would like more information on how to participate, or wish to monitor or donate to team "Packer Generations" (they've already raised over $11,000!), please visit the site.

Daddy's Home! (Not By Choice)

Have you noticed a rise in stroller-pushing Dads in your neighborhood? And, not just on the weekends? It turns out the economy has relegated many fathers to new professions: Stay-At-Home Dads.

It will be interesting to watch how this trend plays out. Not only are gender roles being challenged - or balanced - in terms of parenting, but there are also the sometimes unspoken dynamics which surround whose is the primary income in the house. In "Dreams From My Father," Barack Obama discusses this dynamic between his grandmother and grandfather and the challenges it created in their household. That was the 60's. We've made great strides since then. More women are in the workforce, earn more money than they used to, and compete for higher positions. But, will both parents be ok with a wife's being the breadwinner? With a husband without a job? With a father being a stay-at-home dad?

We'll have to wait and see. Let's just hope those fathers out there are able to see that the unfortunate position of being out of work does not compare to the fortunate position of raising your child everyday... No matter how exhausting.

You're My Boy, Blue!

New terms make their way into our lexicon daily.  Some need more explaining than others. In fact, if you have an hour to kill, try explaining "Twitter" to a parent or grandparent... Well, it seems there's a term that has actually been around for quite some time, but is really gaining popularity in recent years - and, definitely has some 'splaining to do: BROMANCE

A bromance or "man-crush" is a close but non-sexual relationship between two men.

Come again?

It turns out that two guys who are really close - watch games together, have a drink, make regular time to hang out - could be involved in a bromance.  "Here's To Bromance" discusses the many nuances of bromances, as well as theories about the term's origins. What's fascinating is that all of the aspects described? Used to be called "best friends."

One is left to wonder how this term will change the way men behave towards each other. Men already have a hard time sharing feelings with other men at the risk of seeming soft, how will they react when others imply that the friendship they have is actually an intimate relationship? It's hard to find anything wrong with these friendships, but will men have the courage to overlook the taunts? To build solid bonds with their boys despite the bromance label?

It's not likely that a similar term will be cast upon women pursuing the same bonds with other women - those are still "BFF" relationships. What's more likely are images like the one seen below. Very funny, but at what cost?

Are You Serious?

The opening line catches you right away: "A shocking statistic—teenagers are in more danger from sexual predators at their part time jobs than through the Internet." Seriously?

This piece from PBS (click to view the entire 26-minute segment) reveals a far too underreported trend among teenagers: sexual harassment  in the workplace.

One might wonder why a story like this is on Boy Chat, especially because it chronicles the plights of women in three different businesses.  It's always important to teach employees their rights and to offer victims support services . . . but, how are we addressing the harassers, i.e. (most often) the MEN? Too often, we focus on empowering the victims while neglecting to simultaneously teach the perpetrators to recognize their own inappropriate behaviors.

The line between flirting and harassment is often blurry.  Boys and men alike often need help in identifying when it's been crossed.  But, one practice is pretty safe: Keep your hands to yourself.