From The "You Can't Be Serious" Department

Comes this story about a new game kids are playing. The type of game that anyone over the age of 22 has to scratch his head and wonder, "Am I just old? Because this makes no sense..."

The recent death by suffocation of an 11 year-old in Nebraska has brought light to a game kids are playing for the rush they get - a choking game. As quoted in an AOL News piece, "The purpose is when you have restricted oxygen and blood flow to your brain, you get a euphoric rush." Some are trying it solo, others in groups. And, as is clearly evident, kids are dying from it.

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell writes about the bizarre epidemic of suicide in Micronesia in the 70's and 80's. He discusses how an idea can become contagious, like a virus. It appears that games like these are having a similar effect.

Every now and then, we learn about something new that kids are trying for the thrill - mixing over the counter medicines, sniffing glue, playing in traffic or on train tracks. But, what parent ever imagines having to have the "Don't choke yourself" talk?

Some ideas (like the one in the picture above) just don't seem to need a discussion. Let's just hope this choking game doesn't 'tip' . . .

What Is That SMELL?!

Grooming has become somewhat of a necessity in young boys - and, no, we can't blame this on the cast of Jersey Shore...

In "Masculinity in a Can," The Times depicts this trend as growing at an alarming rate - not among teens, but among preteens. Boys 10 and 12 years old are spending their (and their parents') money on deodorant, body sprays, and hair care products. And, the biggest product winners appear to be TAG and AXE, whose edgy marketing ads are aimed at the highly sought-after 18-24 demographic. But, in trying to keep up with the trendy older boys, the article asserts, pre-teenage boys have caught on.

The trend seems to be a result of a perfect storm of factors:

• Boys' bodies are changing at that age. With hormones raging and odors emanating, it's when they begin to use deodorant, in general.
• Girls of the same age are maturing at a faster rate. They are influencing the boys of the same age to take matters into their own hands, which means styling your hair and refining your overall presentation.
• Marketing campaigns are being targeted in different arenas, such as video games and youtube, which will invariably reach younger and younger audiences.
• And, it's the perfect age to catch these boys. Between the ages of 10-14, boys are trying to establish their identities. They become conscious of their appearance, their smell, their social group. Given the notion that a small change like applying body spray can dictate how cool or desirable you will be makes the answer simple - get me some product!

The short answer is, of course, peer pressure. Whether it is from older boys, boys of the same age, or girls the influence of the peer group is still the strongest motivating factor. This much has not really changed over the years, except that the message is coming in stronger and faster than ever. A market consultant is quoted in the piece as saying, "The peer pressure is starting from the girls, who are discussing how much someone smells or what they look like, and it’s being recorded in real time by e-mail and texting."

Can you imagine being 11 and having an off day in the body odor department? Except, by the time you leave homeroom, every kid in your grade with a cell phone has gotten an alert that you stink today? It's not hard to see why these companies are making a killing...

(Didn't really need this ad . . . but can you believe that's LL Cool J??)

Making Their Voices Heard

We thought it would be a good idea to post this video today. It is entitled "Voices" and was first aired publicly at our benefit dinner in 2008. We can talk about the benefit of our programs to no end, but it sometimes just makes more sense to hear it from those who are most directly affected by them: your students.

The video always reminds us of why we do the work we do. Hopefully, it will do the same for you. Enjoy!

"My Man... Fix Your Skirt."

That probably doesn't sound as strange to the current generation of teens as it would to their parents.

It is safe to assume that as with any school rule, dress codes have been challenged since their inception. Girls have fought over skirt length and makeup, boys over blazers and ties. Even The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air wore his blazer inside out and, occasionally, his ties around his head - pushing the letter of the law without breaking it.

But, "Can A Boy Wear A Skirt To School?" brings light to an entirely new set of challenges and questions regarding dress code, gender identity, sexuality, and safety. And, it is clear from where this article gets its information, this is a widespread discussion (the schools range from Florida to California, Ohio to Texas, and everywhere in between).

What's the main issue, you ask? Wish it were that easy. The issues are complex and large in number: the stifling of identity, a lack of tolerance, protection from harassment, harassment, conformity, discouragement of self-expression, the limiting of classroom disruptions, and the list goes on. How do you address the students who want to cross-dress, and the teacher who says the other kids in the class can't concentrate? Or, the case of Lawrence King - a young boy who had something in him telling him to dress a certain way that didn't fit with the norm. He was happy that way. And, yet there was a classmate who had something in him telling him that a boy who dresses that way . . . doesn't deserve to live?

It's probably safe to say that most parents want the same three things for their child at school: to learn, to be safe, to be happy. The question is... in what order?

Out Of The Darkness

Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the "Out of the Darkness Community Walks" are designed to raise money and awareness to the issues of depression and suicide. They also assist those who have lost someone close to them to suicide.

Among the facts you can read on their site, AFSP posts that although women attempt suicide three times as much as men, men account for four times as many deaths by suicide. And, looking through the statistics, many of them "make sense;" meaning, one can understand the reasons behind them. For example, although guns are the leading method of suicide in both men and women, men tend to use this more immediate, more fatal option first vs. trying pills or other methods. Women tend to seek help (in this case, a cry for help) more than men. No matter the reason or method, those left behind after suicide must "try to make sense of it."

Last winter, two high-school boys in New York City - one at Packer Collegiate School, one at The Dalton School - took their lives, leaving their communities struggling to find answers. This Sunday, October 18th, a team from Packer is walking to honor their classmate, student, and friend Chris. If you would like more information on how to participate, or wish to monitor or donate to team "Packer Generations" (they've already raised over $11,000!), please visit the site.

Jesus Was Hot In That, Too!

Great line from a fantastic piece: "Coming Out In Middle School,"by Benoit Denizet-Lewis. The article chronicles stories of middle schoolers from Oklahoma to California who identify as gay or bisexual. Some are out to their families, peers, and schools, some aren't. And, although each kid's story is unique, there is one thought that consistently makes an appearance:

"You're so young, how could you possibly know already?"

Many acknowledge in the article how flawed this argument really is. How many would question it if your 12 year-old son or nephew said he had a crush on a girl? Would he be too young to know? The mother of 12 year-old Kera put it best: "I knew I was interested in boys when I was her age, so it didn’t strike me as unusual that Kera might know she’s interested in boys and girls, put two and two together and call herself bisexual. Kids just know what those words mean a lot earlier than when I was growing up.”

Obviously, not everyone is able to see the logic in that sentiment. From being ostracized by friends and family to actually being assaulted (with a bible?!), these teens and pre-teens are faced with a difficult choice of whether to come out or not; something generations before them faced, but without the presence of school organizations (like GSAs - Gay, Straight, Alliances), and probably with less open-minded adults around them.

What stands out in all of their stories is the role school plays in their lives. A comedian once said something like, "I don't know why parents beat their kids... when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent." Parents play a huge role in our lives, but acceptance by the peer group at this age? Hard to say whether it's more important, but it's certainly up there. Some schools seem to get this concept completely. But, addressing issues of sexuality is still not easy for every teacher to do. Comments from teachers range from avoidance to discomfort:

"If I have to stop what I’m doing every time a student says ['You're gay!'], I won’t have any time to teach!"

Jennifer Mathieu Blessington of Johnston Middle School in Houston has adopted a simple policy that more teachers should try to impart on their students: "We don’t use the word 'gay' in a negative way in this classroom. Gay people are human beings, and that’s the way we talk about them in here. Is that understood?"

And, the discomfort:

"... Others are afraid to address the language because they feel like it would mean talking about sexuality, which they aren’t comfortable doing in a middle school setting."

The Girl Talk and Boy Talk Blogs are not intended to be plugs for our program. Through our blogs, we hope to facilitate discussions and stimulate some thought - and, occasionally offer a fun read. But, it's so hard to see a sentiment like this without thinking about The Girls & Boys Projects. In addition to trying to empower students to find their own voices, we also hope teachers will obtain new language and comfortability in dealing with these social issues.

As is clearly evident from the article, changing the culture of a school - of a society - is a collaborative effort. And, we're glad to be doing our part.

Caught On Camera

It's crazy. Every time we turn around, there's a new harmful phenomenon grabbing our kids. The trend of posting fights between teens online is growing in popularity. It gained local attention recently, when a video of girls fighting in the Bronx made it to the news. But, it only takes a quick search to find hundreds and hundreds of similar videos.

The consistent dominance of professional wrestling (WWE) and the increasing popularity of ultimate fighting (UFC) should tell us that, as a society, we enjoy watching a fight. Whether we claim to see artistry in the battle, or whether we just like seeing someone get knocked out, something about a fight captures our attention.

But, bullying caught on camera? Then, posted for - what - bragging rights?? What's crazy is that some of these videos are not "meet me after school in the park" fights, but actual bullying and assault cases. And, if you search for anti-bullying videos on YouTube, you will find quite a few - many have been viewed thousands of times. But, search for a good old fight? The viewership these videos get is astounding - and almost instantaneous.

How do we combat this new trend? Kids have been fighting at lunch and after school - probably since school was created. But, the presence of camera phones and the internet add a new dimension to the fold. Now, there is fame to achieve. Now, there are global bragging rights to obtain. And, unfortunately, now there is one less bystander who might have been able to break up the fight . . . because he's holding the camera.

Many are asking questions of YouTube and other free video hosting sites: what is their role and responsibility, and what should their policies be? Schools are also asking questions - what is the reach of school rules? Can students be punished for off-campus fights? These are all worthy questions. But, we may not find solutions until we ask ourselves what kind of society we are that just can't get enough of watching these fights happen...

Ending on a more positive note, an anti-bullying campaign:

The Review Adds 10 Pounds!

Britney Spears is touring in Europe to mixed reviews:

Critique: "She hardly engaged the audience"

Praise: "Britney Spears was the perpetual motion machine"

These, from the professional reviewers. The fans paint a different picture with words like "awesome" and "great." But, one theme that was clear throughout is that Britney's body will always be a topic of discussion (she probably can't avoid this while wearing those outfits):

"She showed that her body was tight"

"She appeared healthy, robust and happy"

But, of course, there are always more negative comments like "chunky" and "heavy," and so many of these comments are from men. Looking at her body and reading these words, one has to wonder, "What more can she do?"

Let's just hope her youngest fans aren't internalizing these negative thoughts . . . as much as we know they are.

Take a Stand. Lend a Hand.

Stop Bullying Now!

That's the mantra headlining the government's anti-bullying campaign. The website is extremely accessible and kid-friendly (mostly ages 9-13, with information for anyone - including an Educator's Corner and a Family Corner). Kids will be able to relate to the stories and scenarios, which were contributed by the Expert Youth Panel, i.e. other kids. Encourage kids to take the "Do You Bully Others" quiz . . . Examples include:

• You and your friends have regularly kept one or more kids from hanging out or playing with you. 
  
• You've teased people in a mean way, calling them names, making fun of their appearance, or the way they talk or dress or act.
  

Congrats to the HRSA for creating a great resource for kids. Hopefully, kids will take away some tools for dealing with bullying...

Don't Google Your Name!

It was advice given by a former American Idol contestant to the current cast.  Rihanna may need to take this advice to heart.

The internet reaction to the Rihanna-Chris Brown saga has been alarming . . . and, yet, somewhat predictable. Were Rihanna to read these comments, she might start to believe that this assault was her fault. Young female voices are placing the blame on Rihanna in large numbers - and in no uncertain terms. Yes, they are girls and young women, but they are also fans:

“She probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.” (NYTimes March 18, 2009)

After sitting in on a NYC middle school advisory this week, it is clear that this "siding" [with Chris Brown] is the norm, not the exception. Are we raising a generation of girls that will come to accept violence in relationships as normal? Even worse, are we raising boys who are listening to these girls and thinking, "If they don't have a problem with it..."

The Othello lesson at the end of the article (above) is one approach to addressing this issue. Would love to hear what else is being done out there...

Can't Focus With Her In The Room?

 

Seems that's the case for a lot of boys. And, one school in the Bronx is trying to address it. Not completely going the traditional route of a single-sexed school, PS 140 is attempting to solve some of its performance numbers by separating girls and boys for certain academic classes.  

The thought behind the experiment is simple: "some advocates believe that girls are more likely to participate in class when no boys are present — and that boys, particularly those from low-income families, tend to focus better without girls around." (NYTimes March 10, 2009)

The results? Arguable at best. PS 140 has seen results - especially where behavior is concerned. But, the jury is still out in other schools around the country on this topic.

One point that's hard to dispute, however, is that conversations about social issues? Body changes, bullying, hormones, feelings?? Those conversations are NEVER the same when we're all in the room...

Take A Bow

The one upside to celebrity gossip is when certain issues that normally go undiscussed gain a national spotlight. Be it adoptions from Africa, children with autism, or adults battling addictions we are reminded of many hard realities in our world. Sadly, that is the case with pop stars Rihanna and Chris Brown. Their recent bout with domestic violence surprised many; their reuniting surprised few. But, it allows us the opportunity to highlight a real issue - young people face unhealthy relationships, too.

The statistics are staggering.  Some put the number at 25% of teens and college-aged young adults have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from their partners, most often boyfriends. The number of those who report knowing someone who has been a victim is much, much higher.

HelpGuide.org is a fantastic resource for warning signs, hotlines, and general information about this alarming trend. The site also has a "Power and Control" graphic on how domestic violence manifests itself:

Although the song discusses infidelity, the lyrics to Rihanna's hit song "Take A Bow" speak volumes:

You look so dumb right now

Standing' outside my house

Trying' to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

Please, just cut it out

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining'

But it's over now (but it's over now)

Go on and take a bow

Wish it were that easy...

Oh, Those Boys Are Much Too Much!

If you haven't seen this, take a few seconds to watch.  The message is: "Take Time To Be A Dad Today" . . . but it's the cheerleading that makes it a must-see! Warning: it might get stuck in your head . . .

The ad is a promotion for the website fatherhood.gov.  Dig around the site a bit, and you'll find some interesting articles, statistics, a fatherhood "Tip Of The Day," and even a countdown to Father's Day.  Personal favorite? "20 Long Distance Activities for Dads at a Distance." Gotta love a good Scavenger Hunt!