What Is That SMELL?!

Grooming has become somewhat of a necessity in young boys - and, no, we can't blame this on the cast of Jersey Shore...

In "Masculinity in a Can," The Times depicts this trend as growing at an alarming rate - not among teens, but among preteens. Boys 10 and 12 years old are spending their (and their parents') money on deodorant, body sprays, and hair care products. And, the biggest product winners appear to be TAG and AXE, whose edgy marketing ads are aimed at the highly sought-after 18-24 demographic. But, in trying to keep up with the trendy older boys, the article asserts, pre-teenage boys have caught on.

The trend seems to be a result of a perfect storm of factors:

• Boys' bodies are changing at that age. With hormones raging and odors emanating, it's when they begin to use deodorant, in general.
• Girls of the same age are maturing at a faster rate. They are influencing the boys of the same age to take matters into their own hands, which means styling your hair and refining your overall presentation.
• Marketing campaigns are being targeted in different arenas, such as video games and youtube, which will invariably reach younger and younger audiences.
• And, it's the perfect age to catch these boys. Between the ages of 10-14, boys are trying to establish their identities. They become conscious of their appearance, their smell, their social group. Given the notion that a small change like applying body spray can dictate how cool or desirable you will be makes the answer simple - get me some product!

The short answer is, of course, peer pressure. Whether it is from older boys, boys of the same age, or girls the influence of the peer group is still the strongest motivating factor. This much has not really changed over the years, except that the message is coming in stronger and faster than ever. A market consultant is quoted in the piece as saying, "The peer pressure is starting from the girls, who are discussing how much someone smells or what they look like, and it’s being recorded in real time by e-mail and texting."

Can you imagine being 11 and having an off day in the body odor department? Except, by the time you leave homeroom, every kid in your grade with a cell phone has gotten an alert that you stink today? It's not hard to see why these companies are making a killing...

(Didn't really need this ad . . . but can you believe that's LL Cool J??)

Would've Written This Sooner

But, had to reply to a few hundred text messages...

This scenario is probably not as far-fetched as it might sound. In fact, it's probably what teachers and parents are hearing from kids failing to do their schoolwork (or rather not hearing - who's going to admit the real reason?). The Kaiser Family Foundation has a study to prove it.

We've known for quite a while that kids are spending more and more time with their digital media - laptops, pda's, cell phones. What we didn't know was how much time. The results are startling to say the least: seven and a half hours a day! And, even that is not an accurate calculation as kids are multitasking and therefore combining about eleven hours of media usage into that time. It's scary...

But, what's even more surprising on the surface is that not all of these kids are happy doing it. One would assume that keeping in touch with friends or the latest song would provide hours of happiness. But, as reported in this NYTimes' article, "The heaviest media users were also more likely than the lightest users to report that they were bored or sad, or that they got into trouble, did not get along well with their parents and were not happy at school."

It is only surprising on the surface, because when you stop to think about it, it makes a lot of sense. In fact, it's what the older generations have been worried about. All of the concern for the lack of outdoor time or the loss of human contact, the physical pains from playing video games or the emotional tolls of constantly needing to be "up-to-speed" with all that is happening in the world are not just old folks who don't understand. These voices should serve to remind us that these devices and ways of communicating should never become our way of life, just add to it.

These technologies have become so intertwined in our lives, it's hard to see life without them. But, it's important to take a break from anything that is consuming our days to reconnect with people or just to reflect. And, technology is no different.

Let's Talk About Sex!

Jay Leno commented on a study earlier this week that revealed that parents wait too long to talk to their kids about sex. By the time they start the conversation, kids are already active. Jay's joke?

"Hey Kev, you know what you call parents who wait too long to talk about sex with their kids? Grandparents."

Nicely done, sir... But, he does bring up a good point, albeit extreme. Wait too long and... well, you may have waited too long! It's a topic that parents struggle with across the board: When is the right time to talk to my child about sex?

According to the piece in NurtureShock (a Newsweek blog), when kids start asking the questions, parents should start providing the answers. The article continually mentions "The Talk" and when to sit down with your kids. And, some of the reader comments demonstrate just how scary it can be for a parent... and just how necessary it is for a child.

But, thinking of it as "The Talk" is probably what makes it so daunting. If your children have questions about where babies come from at 3 or 4, answer those questions as honestly and directly (trying not to get lost in metaphor) as you can. And, if you feel you've left something out or need to explain something better, come back the next day and add to it. By creating ongoing dialogue, you're creating a safe space for your children to ask questions whenever they arise, thus putting the pieces in place to help them make informed decisions in life. And, you probably won't be overwhelmed with questions you're not prepared to answer (or uncomfortable with) in one session - as you might be if you wait until your child is 16!

There is no one way to go about this - each parent has to do what works best for them and what their kids need most. Hopefully, however, people will discuss less and less "The Talk" and more often, well, just talks.
__

Of course, the title of this post only makes you think... Salt-N-Pepa! They know what they're talking about...

Let's talk about sex for now 
to the people at home / or in the crowd

It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
'Cuz that ain't gonna stop it

P.S. This statistic jumped out at us: "And about 60 percent of kids had heard about contraception and STDs before their sexual initiation." It's mind-boggling to read statistics like these... and, reassuring to know just how needed programs like The Girls & Boys Projects are...

Jesus Was Hot In That, Too!

Great line from a fantastic piece: "Coming Out In Middle School,"by Benoit Denizet-Lewis. The article chronicles stories of middle schoolers from Oklahoma to California who identify as gay or bisexual. Some are out to their families, peers, and schools, some aren't. And, although each kid's story is unique, there is one thought that consistently makes an appearance:

"You're so young, how could you possibly know already?"

Many acknowledge in the article how flawed this argument really is. How many would question it if your 12 year-old son or nephew said he had a crush on a girl? Would he be too young to know? The mother of 12 year-old Kera put it best: "I knew I was interested in boys when I was her age, so it didn’t strike me as unusual that Kera might know she’s interested in boys and girls, put two and two together and call herself bisexual. Kids just know what those words mean a lot earlier than when I was growing up.”

Obviously, not everyone is able to see the logic in that sentiment. From being ostracized by friends and family to actually being assaulted (with a bible?!), these teens and pre-teens are faced with a difficult choice of whether to come out or not; something generations before them faced, but without the presence of school organizations (like GSAs - Gay, Straight, Alliances), and probably with less open-minded adults around them.

What stands out in all of their stories is the role school plays in their lives. A comedian once said something like, "I don't know why parents beat their kids... when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent." Parents play a huge role in our lives, but acceptance by the peer group at this age? Hard to say whether it's more important, but it's certainly up there. Some schools seem to get this concept completely. But, addressing issues of sexuality is still not easy for every teacher to do. Comments from teachers range from avoidance to discomfort:

"If I have to stop what I’m doing every time a student says ['You're gay!'], I won’t have any time to teach!"

Jennifer Mathieu Blessington of Johnston Middle School in Houston has adopted a simple policy that more teachers should try to impart on their students: "We don’t use the word 'gay' in a negative way in this classroom. Gay people are human beings, and that’s the way we talk about them in here. Is that understood?"

And, the discomfort:

"... Others are afraid to address the language because they feel like it would mean talking about sexuality, which they aren’t comfortable doing in a middle school setting."

The Girl Talk and Boy Talk Blogs are not intended to be plugs for our program. Through our blogs, we hope to facilitate discussions and stimulate some thought - and, occasionally offer a fun read. But, it's so hard to see a sentiment like this without thinking about The Girls & Boys Projects. In addition to trying to empower students to find their own voices, we also hope teachers will obtain new language and comfortability in dealing with these social issues.

As is clearly evident from the article, changing the culture of a school - of a society - is a collaborative effort. And, we're glad to be doing our part.

From The Dept. Of Redundancy Dept.

(... Thanks Stuart Scott for that title)

Stumbled upon a really interesting site recently: Science Blog. The site reports on various scientific studies being done - topics and their outcomes.

Fascinating piece of information on smoking (you'll thank us later): turns out that parents influence their children when it comes to smoking. The more communication against smoking, the less likely a child is to start the habit. Conversely, if the parents smoke, the child is more likely smoke.

And, in a related story, the more exposure you have to the sun, the more likely you are to be hot . . .

Seriously, how much money was spent on this research? Maybe it's important at times to study something we assume to be true, just to be sure . . . But, this one seems all too obvious. What we might want to know instead is what those "guidelines" are that parents should set for their kids (is it "Don't ever smoke" or "Don't smoke in gym class"?). What campaigns have been effective and what ads contribute to youth smoking? What strategies are being given to kids to fight peer pressure?

Thankfully, Science Blog offers a lot more on its site. Parents shouldn't need to be told that their voice matters . . . But, if it helps to remind one parent, we can forgive the study. ;)

Are You Serious?

The opening line catches you right away: "A shocking statistic—teenagers are in more danger from sexual predators at their part time jobs than through the Internet." Seriously?

This piece from PBS (click to view the entire 26-minute segment) reveals a far too underreported trend among teenagers: sexual harassment  in the workplace.

One might wonder why a story like this is on Boy Chat, especially because it chronicles the plights of women in three different businesses.  It's always important to teach employees their rights and to offer victims support services . . . but, how are we addressing the harassers, i.e. (most often) the MEN? Too often, we focus on empowering the victims while neglecting to simultaneously teach the perpetrators to recognize their own inappropriate behaviors.

The line between flirting and harassment is often blurry.  Boys and men alike often need help in identifying when it's been crossed.  But, one practice is pretty safe: Keep your hands to yourself.