Ally Week!

Hey, Everyone! It's been quite some time, but today is the start of Ally Week. GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) began the initiative in 2005 and the concept has really caught on. With that in mind, here is a perfect example of how an ally can stand-up for someone who appears to be "different."

My Princess Boy is written by a mom whose son wants to dress up like a princess.

But, the story of how quickly his family adjusted - and, then what his school did to support - is the most moving part... Be an ALLY this week!

A Cure For Gayness

Oh yeah?

If you haven't seen it, Rachel Maddow's interview with Richard Cohen is MUST-SEE TV... Cohen wrote a book entitled, "Coming Out Straight," in which he chronicles the many reasons one "turns" gay and how therapy can help you choose heterosexuality. He is not only a client, he's the president! Cohen himself was gay, then turned straight and is currently married with three kids.

In the interview, Maddow really holds Cohen accountable for the ideas he purports. She questions facts in his book and points out the deceptions surrounding his job title. But what is really interesting is the discussion of how his teachings are being used in Uganda to support anti-gay legislation that seems to promote the targeting and killing of homosexuals. Cohen is adamant about teaching tolerance and love for all, but Maddow effectively points out how his words breed misunderstanding, misconceptions, and hate.

It's been a while since we've posted a video here, but this one is well-worth the watch.

Toddlers In Tiaras?

Not a problem, until it's your son... Or, is it a problem?

Time Out New York Kids' article profiles three kids - two toddlers and an eight-year old - who prefer to look and dress like their opposite gender. And, for the hip New York moms and dads featured, the parental route to pursue is support vs. confusion. If that's what he wants to wear, if that's what makes him happy, then why fight it?

The article's subtitle is very interesting: "Got a cross-dressing kid? Ease up on the validation, experts say—it may not be what you think." The author's point is that parents of children who like to play cross-dress-up should not rush to judgement in either direction. Historically, parents tried to 'reverse the curse,' fearing that their kids might turn out to be gay, bi, or just confused. But, many modern parents try to go the other route and support - even push - a transgender lifestyle, which according to the article is not guaranteed.

Obviously, there is no one solution. However, the study cited in the article puts the chance at 75% that a child who cross-dresses with eventually identify as homosexual or bisexual. These yearnings and demonstrations by a child may be exactly the identifiers parents are constantly looking for to tell them who their child will eventually be (you know the parents who get excited when their daughter picks up a basketball, or when their son shows an affinity for singing?). At 75%, it's a lot more than a possibility...

The article ends by acknowledging that talking to your child is the most important part of the process. Indeed, these parents may make some mistakes along the way, but as long as their kids know that they are supported, they're on the right path.

Well, If I Can't Marry... You Can't Divorce!

This story has to make you smile. John Marcotte is a 38 year-old married father of two, and he's come up with an eye-opening approach to reversing, or at least bringing awareness to, Proposition 8 in California.

You will recall that Proposition 8 made same-sex marriages illegal in California. You might also recall that the movement to make it so was fueled by various "pro-marriage" groups. Well, Marcotte is calling their bluffs. He wants to add a measure to next year's ballot that would make divorce illegal. (What?! That's just un-American!) Yes, you read correctly.

Marcotte has until March 22, 2010 to acquire over 600,000 signatures from registered voters in California. He is garnering support through his website where t-shirts are for sale to fund the movement. If he reaches that mark, the proposition will be up for vote next year. And, if it passes, it will become illegal to divorce your spouse in California.

You probably won't find many people out there who think this will pass, but you have to love the concept. If you love marriage so much, then you will want to protect it all costs. The divorce rate is over 50%; instead of making it illegal for same-sex couples to get married, why not make it illegal for "traditional" couples to divorce? It is definitely bringing some interesting discussions to the table. And, forcing some to look in the mirror.

Read an interview with Marcotte for more insights...

World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS Day. It is a day where some stop to think of the many who have died as a result of the syndrome. Others think about the work that has already been done, as well as what works lies ahead. And, still others will give thought to the millions who suffer daily from HIV/AIDS.

It is also an important day to generate financial support and general awareness around the issues. Many companies take part in the (RED) campaign, most visibly the GAP, which donates a portion of all (RED) purchases to The Global Fund, an organization that focuses its efforts in sub-Saharan Africa.

AIDS has ripped through the African continent with a ruthlessness that makes it impossible to ignore. But, while you are giving thought to the plight of Africans struggling to win this battle, please keep in mind that there is an AIDS battle right here in America.

Blacks and Latinos continue to be disproportionately affected by the spread of HIV/AIDS. Drug use is still a factor, but we now know that so much of the blame falls at the feet of men engaging in "high-risk" behavior and bringing home HIV to their unsuspecting wives. There are social, cultural, moral, and educational battles to fight in addressing this epidemic. And, there is no easy solution . . . But, the trends certainly won't be reversed if we think only of it as an African problem.

"My Man... Fix Your Skirt."

That probably doesn't sound as strange to the current generation of teens as it would to their parents.

It is safe to assume that as with any school rule, dress codes have been challenged since their inception. Girls have fought over skirt length and makeup, boys over blazers and ties. Even The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air wore his blazer inside out and, occasionally, his ties around his head - pushing the letter of the law without breaking it.

But, "Can A Boy Wear A Skirt To School?" brings light to an entirely new set of challenges and questions regarding dress code, gender identity, sexuality, and safety. And, it is clear from where this article gets its information, this is a widespread discussion (the schools range from Florida to California, Ohio to Texas, and everywhere in between).

What's the main issue, you ask? Wish it were that easy. The issues are complex and large in number: the stifling of identity, a lack of tolerance, protection from harassment, harassment, conformity, discouragement of self-expression, the limiting of classroom disruptions, and the list goes on. How do you address the students who want to cross-dress, and the teacher who says the other kids in the class can't concentrate? Or, the case of Lawrence King - a young boy who had something in him telling him to dress a certain way that didn't fit with the norm. He was happy that way. And, yet there was a classmate who had something in him telling him that a boy who dresses that way . . . doesn't deserve to live?

It's probably safe to say that most parents want the same three things for their child at school: to learn, to be safe, to be happy. The question is... in what order?

A Golden Girl, Indeed

Who didn't love Bea Arthur? Just ask someone (over 30?) what they think of Bea and you'll probably hear, "I loved Bea Arthur!" They may even add something about how great Golden Girls was...

And, then you read a headline like this: "Bea Arthur Leaves $300K To Gay Youth". . . and you love her even more.

For those who may have heard your mothers say over and over, "Everything happens for a wise purpose," you will appreciate the light Bea's death and donation has brought to a cause she truly believed in. Protecting homeless LGBT youth is The Ali Forney Center's mission. Since 2002, the organization has housed and helped thousands of LGBT youth who have been forced out of their homes for being... well, who they are.

The center's work is incredibly noble and worthy of support. And, thankfully, even in death - Bea Arthur continues to help keep that work alive.

Hating On Hate

We've all read about hate crimes or seen them on the news. But, watching them - on video or in person - surfaces an entirely different emotional response. It has to.

On October 9, 2009, Jack Price was attacked and brutally beaten near his home in Queens, NY. The video is extremely disturbing. On it, two young men simply pounce on the 49 year-old on a desolate street. They show no regard for his life or their own - barely even pausing as two cars pass them - one at arm's length. Jack Price is currently struggling for his life...

We have an answer to the "why," but it doesn't seem to explain it: Price was apparently targeted because he is gay (his assailants yelled anti-gay hatred at him). He was also robbed, but it's clear from the video that 1. They could have robbed him without the excessive beating, and 2. It was almost an afterthought. No, these guys had venom in their hearts and took it out on someone who did nothing to provoke them.

The thought that these two focused in on Price because of his apparent sexuality forces us to try to understand not only where this hate comes from, but what makes it brew until an explosion like this. Were they bullied as kids? Were they taught that homosexuality is a punishable offense? Are they grappling with sexuality issues of their own? The more we understand about this deep-seated anger, the better chance we have of ridding ourselves of hate crimes.

We shouldn't search for understanding, however, to generate any compassion for these criminals; every word being used seems fitting: deplorable, heinous, despicable, unforgivable. Why we should search for understanding is to prevent the next attack.

Jesus Was Hot In That, Too!

Great line from a fantastic piece: "Coming Out In Middle School,"by Benoit Denizet-Lewis. The article chronicles stories of middle schoolers from Oklahoma to California who identify as gay or bisexual. Some are out to their families, peers, and schools, some aren't. And, although each kid's story is unique, there is one thought that consistently makes an appearance:

"You're so young, how could you possibly know already?"

Many acknowledge in the article how flawed this argument really is. How many would question it if your 12 year-old son or nephew said he had a crush on a girl? Would he be too young to know? The mother of 12 year-old Kera put it best: "I knew I was interested in boys when I was her age, so it didn’t strike me as unusual that Kera might know she’s interested in boys and girls, put two and two together and call herself bisexual. Kids just know what those words mean a lot earlier than when I was growing up.”

Obviously, not everyone is able to see the logic in that sentiment. From being ostracized by friends and family to actually being assaulted (with a bible?!), these teens and pre-teens are faced with a difficult choice of whether to come out or not; something generations before them faced, but without the presence of school organizations (like GSAs - Gay, Straight, Alliances), and probably with less open-minded adults around them.

What stands out in all of their stories is the role school plays in their lives. A comedian once said something like, "I don't know why parents beat their kids... when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent." Parents play a huge role in our lives, but acceptance by the peer group at this age? Hard to say whether it's more important, but it's certainly up there. Some schools seem to get this concept completely. But, addressing issues of sexuality is still not easy for every teacher to do. Comments from teachers range from avoidance to discomfort:

"If I have to stop what I’m doing every time a student says ['You're gay!'], I won’t have any time to teach!"

Jennifer Mathieu Blessington of Johnston Middle School in Houston has adopted a simple policy that more teachers should try to impart on their students: "We don’t use the word 'gay' in a negative way in this classroom. Gay people are human beings, and that’s the way we talk about them in here. Is that understood?"

And, the discomfort:

"... Others are afraid to address the language because they feel like it would mean talking about sexuality, which they aren’t comfortable doing in a middle school setting."

The Girl Talk and Boy Talk Blogs are not intended to be plugs for our program. Through our blogs, we hope to facilitate discussions and stimulate some thought - and, occasionally offer a fun read. But, it's so hard to see a sentiment like this without thinking about The Girls & Boys Projects. In addition to trying to empower students to find their own voices, we also hope teachers will obtain new language and comfortability in dealing with these social issues.

As is clearly evident from the article, changing the culture of a school - of a society - is a collaborative effort. And, we're glad to be doing our part.

So, I'm Gay Now?

- This photo was taken in a toddler playground of a housing project in Brooklyn 

There are a number of problems with this scene. To start, the grammar is off - it should be "sees." And, where's the punctuation? (Who's teaching kids how to write derogatory hate messages these days??) The second problem is the placement - a baby and toddler playground? For whom is this written? And, the most glaring issue is . . . it makes no sense.

Phrases like, "That's so gay" or "You're gay" have simply become all too prevalent. The terms are thrown around without caution, often (as in this case) without an identifiable context. One would think that the overuse of these phrases would lessen their effect; would reduce the pain felt by those on the receiving end because the words are so commonplace.

The truth is that the language still hurts, as evidenced by the recent suicide deaths of young boys who were the victims of homophobic bullying. And, even a message like the one above - intended for no one and everyone - adds to the hurt.

In trying to figure out how to eliminate the language from our lexicon and how to rid ourselves of homophobic bullying, are we also thinking about how to lessen the hurt these words cause? While addressing the taunting, are we also empowering the taunted to get past the attacks?

If only it were as easy as simply seeing that being called gay is not an insult...