BOY TALK

Ally Week!

2010-10-19T00:07:00.000-04:00

Hey, Everyone! It's been quite some time, but today is the start of Ally Week. GLSEN (the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) began the initiative in 2005 and the concept has really caught on. With that in mind, here is a perfect example of how an ally can stand-up for someone who appears to be "different."

My Princess Boy is written by a mom whose son wants to dress up like a princess.

But, the story of how quickly his family adjusted - and, then what his school did to support - is the most moving part... Be an ALLY this week!

Dad Life

2010-07-22T10:43:00.000-04:00

A friend shared this with us. It has to at least make you smile...

The Girls & Boys Projects recognizes all of the fathers out there! :)

The Gender Lens Returns!

2010-07-01T09:00:00.000-04:00

We are very excited to share the latest installment of our e-newsletter, The Gender Lens! If you did not receive an email version, please read here by clicking the image below. This issue will update you on the news at The Girls & Boys Projects, provide find facilitator's tips, links, and other goodies inside.

Once again, we cannot do the work we've set out to do without the efforts of our fantastic facilitators. So, THANK YOU! Please stay in contact and send us stories from the field! Have a great summer...

(If you are not on our mailing list, please sign up!)

Black Woman Walking

2010-06-27T15:15:00.000-04:00

This could easily have been posted on our Girl Talk blog... But, it's probably more important for our guys to LISTEN to what these women are saying:

Yes, Coach, Sir! Um, M'am!

2010-06-21T12:44:00.000-04:00

We're late on this story, but it is just too good to let it pass. This Spring, Calvin Coolidge Senior High School in Washington D.C. hired a new head varsity football coach. Why is this news? She is a woman!

Natalie Randolph is a former professional football player and a current science teacher at the school. And, the hire is quite a statement. While it is unclear how many women have been head coaches of boys varsity football teams nationally, there is little doubt that the move is extremely significant - some are calling it historic.

Our Girls Project was fortunate enough to work with members of a women's professional football team, the Sharks. The girls were very inspired by the players' stories and resolve. Hopefully, the boys Natalie Randolph coaches will feel the same way... Congratulations to Coach Randolph and, best of luck on the upcoming season!

A Losing Battle

2010-05-10T09:00:00.000-04:00

The race against the damaging effects of social networking sites continues to get tougher. Parents, teachers, youth advocates, and policy makers are all banging their heads against the wall about what to do with all of the unregulated, online chatter. The latest site receiving some attention? Formspring.

Through Formspring, users can send anonymous comments and questions for others to answer. Questions can be innocent ("What's your favorite color?"), investigative ("Do you like guys with red hair?"), or even invasive ("What size bra do you wear?"). The comments, however, can be much more sinister. Users, mostly kids, are often sending mean-spirited messages that are sometimes nothing short of cyberbullying.

What is most confounding about the site and process is that each user must accept the comment in order for it to become public and posted to their wall. In other words, if you are seeing a negative comment on someone's wall, it's because he/she posted it there! If your own kids are allowing negative posts about them to be public, how can we fight the damaging blows to their self-esteem?

As with so many issues kids are facing today, there is no one solution to this epidemic. As covered in this article, there are numerous sites that offer people a chance to post anonymously to others' pages (such as Tumblr or Honesty Box, a Facebook add-on). And, trying to regulate these sites or restrict their usage is a losing battle. Kids will find ways to log in, new options will pop up, and parents will be left scratching their heads.

We are not going to win the battle against the internet. What we have to do is continue to arm our kids with the tools to make informed decisions - both about what they read and believe, as well as what they write. Help them understand that the anonymity of the web allows people to hide behind comments they may not even believe as they are typing them. And, we need to build up their confidence so the negative comments don't lead to negative outcomes. Every ugly post doesn't have to hurt so much...

That's the hope, at least...

Run Before You Walk

2010-05-04T15:25:00.000-04:00

On Saturday, May 1st, The Girls & Boys Projects directors Jule Jo Ramirez and Javaid Khan conducted a workshop at PS 57 in East Harlem. The event - the first of its kind - was a Young Runners Clinic organized by the New York Road Runners. It integrated the topic of running with healthy eating, puberty, and lifestyle choices.

The boys worked directly with Javaid and set the tone for the workshop right out of the starting gate. During the introductory exercise of telling the group your name and one thing about you no one in the room knows, a young Dominican boy from the Bronx (name changed here) opened with, "My name is Luis. And, my Dad is in prison." His honesty immediately changed the dynamic of a bunch of 12 year-old boys, mostly strangers to one another, in a new setting, talking about an awkward topic: puberty.

The boys had a ton of questions and comments, myths and confusions, and also a lot of information. Together, the group navigated toward correct answers and addressed misinformation. Some of the questions/comments that stood out:

Why do your armpits smell?

Why do we grow hair in our parts?
How do you know when a girl likes you?
How do you make your penis bigger? Because, my friend told me that when you put on a condom, it gets bigger.
Can you get an erection when you run?
Can you not go through puberty?

Needless to say, there was a lot of work to do that day... It is great that the Road Runners recognized the importance of giving kids correct information in order to make healthy choices in life!

From The "You Can't Be Serious" Department

2010-04-02T15:24:00.000-04:00

Comes this story about a new game kids are playing. The type of game that anyone over the age of 22 has to scratch his head and wonder, "Am I just old? Because this makes no sense..."

The recent death by suffocation of an 11 year-old in Nebraska has brought light to a game kids are playing for the rush they get - a choking game. As quoted in an AOL News piece, "The purpose is when you have restricted oxygen and blood flow to your brain, you get a euphoric rush." Some are trying it solo, others in groups. And, as is clearly evident, kids are dying from it.

In The Tipping Point, Malcolm Gladwell writes about the bizarre epidemic of suicide in Micronesia in the 70's and 80's. He discusses how an idea can become contagious, like a virus. It appears that games like these are having a similar effect.

Every now and then, we learn about something new that kids are trying for the thrill - mixing over the counter medicines, sniffing glue, playing in traffic or on train tracks. But, what parent ever imagines having to have the "Don't choke yourself" talk?

Some ideas (like the one in the picture above) just don't seem to need a discussion. Let's just hope this choking game doesn't 'tip' . . .

Boys Lose!

2010-03-30T14:49:00.000-04:00

We've followed the statistics relating to Black males on Boy Talk Online, but Nicholas D. Kristof of The New York Times shows us in his latest opinion piece that the problem is not relegated to Black makes. In "The Boys Have Fallen Behind," Kristof cites statistics from a newly published study that illustrate the chasm forming between girls and boys in education. And, it's not unique to America...

One such statistic gives a clear example of what boys are facing in school:

Boys are twice as likely to get suspended as girls, and three times as likely to be expelled. Estimates of dropouts vary, but it seems that about one-quarter more boys drop out than girls.

It seems like now is the right time to accelerate the dialogue on what boys need from school that they are not getting. We've always known there were differences between boys and girls, but have we made adjustments to our educational systems? It may be time to start...

Note: The piece also introduces us to the site: guysread.com - a website devoted to generating book options for boys. At a recent panel discussion, an exasperated mother asked of the panel, "How do I get my son to read?" This site is a great starting point...

Is It Really That Simple?

2010-03-11T10:54:00.001-05:00

It appears the video has been made private. If it opens up again, we'll repost!

Yeah, probably... Too pure to not share.

An Uphill Battle

2010-03-05T11:23:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, March 2 Teach For America hosted a panel discussion entitled, "Men of Color & Education: A Discussion on the Pursuit of Excellence." The conversation was centered around Black and Latino boys and the challenges they face in our school system. The star-studded panel included rapper Common, singer John Legend, former NBA player Eric Snow, Bronx Borough President Rueben Diaz, Jr., and professors Dr. Pedro Noguera and Dr. Marc Lamont Hill. The event was moderated by David C. Banks, founder and president of the Eagle Academy Foundation.

Each panelist brought something different to the table. Whether it was his experience as a teacher, father, mentor, researcher, musician, etc. each voice was unique. Dr. Noguera, Dr. Hill, and Mr. Diaz offered a number of eye-opening statistics including:

Stuyvesant High School (one of the city's specialized high schools) accepted SIX Black boys this year.
At Bronx High School of Science, only 5% of its students are actually from the Bronx.
Last year, more money was spent on surveillance equipment for schools than for similar equipment in prisons.
Indicators among 3rd and 4th grade Black and Latino boys (dropouts, suspensions, expulsions, failings) can forecast for state officials just how many prison spaces they will need when these boys are of age.

There were many more statistics and opinions offered, but these were particularly glaring. So, the question remained: What do we do? And, the answers came in many forms, offering different perspectives and solutions. We heard about eliminating failing schools, having one great teacher in every room, adding mentors, psychologists and social workers, scrapping No Child Left Behind as a failed program and starting over, holding our representatives responsible, increase parent involvement, and the list goes on.

These concepts have been debated - and, will continue to be debated - for quite some time. But, it was really moving to hear not only the pros and cons of making these changes, but also the passion with which these men wanted to see that change through. Some spoke more of institutional or systematic changes in government, others debated the efficacy of charter schools vs. public, and others spoke about the need to rejuvenate "the village" and love our kids better.

What was most clear is that there is no one answer. The problem needs to be addressed from all angles. Better teachers. Better schools. Better curriculum. Better policies. Question what privatizing prisons - i.e. making prisons profitable - means to those groups disproportionately populating them. Question why certain new schools are able to take kids from the same pool and make them succeed. Question everything... but, DO something.

Overall, the panel was a great success. If done in the future, they might wish to reduce the size of the panel as some voices overshadowed others, but there isn't too much else to change. And, definitely bring Mr. Banks back as moderator... Kudos to Jemina Bernard and all of the TFA team that made the event possible!

Highlight: During the audience open-mic portion, a 5th grader from Brooklyn stepped up to the mic and asked the panel, "We've been to the assemblies and heard all of the talks, but I still get bullied. How do we stop bullying in our schools?" (He received a huge applause for being the only audience member to be able to succinctly ask a question!) We've reached out to his principal immediately...

A Japanese Heart

2010-02-04T22:26:00.001-05:00

As a sports fan, the hopeful outcome of this story about Scott Fujita is to effect change - not just in the world, in general, but more immediately in the world of sports.

Scott Fujita is a linebacker for the New Orleans Saints of the NFL and will be playing in the Super Bowl this weekend. His life story is compelling, but it is his decision to take a public stance on a divisive social/political topic that has brought him to us today. Fujita is showing his full support for gay rights - specifically, gay marriage.

That an athlete has chosen to take a stance on a controversial topic is not huge news. That he is a professional athlete is. Many of our most famous athletes are constantly criticized for not taking political stances. Their fear is that they will lose support among fans, and more importantly, endorsement money. When approached to endorse a Democratic candidate, Michael Jordan famously declined by saying, "Republicans buy sneakers, too." LeBron James was brought to task when he hesitated to lend his name to a petition against genocide in Darfur. And, legendary NFL running back Jim Brown has been known to speak out on today's athlete and their lack of activism - most recently challenging Tiger Woods.

Scott Fujita doesn't see this decision as courageous. In fact, he doesn't seem to see it as much of a decision at all - just the right thing to do. But, standing alone when others are afraid to join you is indeed courageous.

"Courage is the power to let go of the familiar."

- Raymond Lindquist

Let's hope more professional athletes have the courage to let go of what has been familiar for far too long.

What Is That SMELL?!

2010-02-02T22:39:00.000-05:00

Grooming has become somewhat of a necessity in young boys - and, no, we can't blame this on the cast of Jersey Shore...

In "Masculinity in a Can," The Times depicts this trend as growing at an alarming rate - not among teens, but among preteens. Boys 10 and 12 years old are spending their (and their parents') money on deodorant, body sprays, and hair care products. And, the biggest product winners appear to be TAG and AXE, whose edgy marketing ads are aimed at the highly sought-after 18-24 demographic. But, in trying to keep up with the trendy older boys, the article asserts, pre-teenage boys have caught on.

The trend seems to be a result of a perfect storm of factors:

Boys' bodies are changing at that age. With hormones raging and odors emanating, it's when they begin to use deodorant, in general.
Girls of the same age are maturing at a faster rate. They are influencing the boys of the same age to take matters into their own hands, which means styling your hair and refining your overall presentation.
Marketing campaigns are being targeted in different arenas, such as video games and youtube, which will invariably reach younger and younger audiences.
And, it's the perfect age to catch these boys. Between the ages of 10-14, boys are trying to establish their identities. They become conscious of their appearance, their smell, their social group. Given the notion that a small change like applying body spray can dictate how cool or desirable you will be makes the answer simple - get me some product!

The short answer is, of course, peer pressure. Whether it is from older boys, boys of the same age, or girls the influence of the peer group is still the strongest motivating factor. This much has not really changed over the years, except that the message is coming in stronger and faster than ever. A market consultant is quoted in the piece as saying, "The peer pressure is starting from the girls, who are discussing how much someone smells or what they look like, and it’s being recorded in real time by e-mail and texting."

Can you imagine being 11 and having an off day in the body odor department? Except, by the time you leave homeroom, every kid in your grade with a cell phone has gotten an alert that you stink today? It's not hard to see why these companies are making a killing...

(Didn't really need this ad . . . but can you believe that's LL Cool J??)

Would've Written This Sooner

2010-01-27T14:18:00.000-05:00

But, had to reply to a few hundred text messages...

This scenario is probably not as far-fetched as it might sound. In fact, it's probably what teachers and parents are hearing from kids failing to do their schoolwork (or rather not hearing - who's going to admit the real reason?). The Kaiser Family Foundation has a study to prove it.

We've known for quite a while that kids are spending more and more time with their digital media - laptops, pda's, cell phones. What we didn't know was how much time. The results are startling to say the least: seven and a half hours a day! And, even that is not an accurate calculation as kids are multitasking and therefore combining about eleven hours of media usage into that time. It's scary...

But, what's even more surprising on the surface is that not all of these kids are happy doing it. One would assume that keeping in touch with friends or the latest song would provide hours of happiness. But, as reported in this NYTimes' article, "The heaviest media users were also more likely than the lightest users to report that they were bored or sad, or that they got into trouble, did not get along well with their parents and were not happy at school."

It is only surprising on the surface, because when you stop to think about it, it makes a lot of sense. In fact, it's what the older generations have been worried about. All of the concern for the lack of outdoor time or the loss of human contact, the physical pains from playing video games or the emotional tolls of constantly needing to be "up-to-speed" with all that is happening in the world are not just old folks who don't understand. These voices should serve to remind us that these devices and ways of communicating should never become our way of life, just add to it.

These technologies have become so intertwined in our lives, it's hard to see life without them. But, it's important to take a break from anything that is consuming our days to reconnect with people or just to reflect. And, technology is no different.

How Can I Help?

2010-01-20T10:32:00.000-05:00

Natural disasters of any kind with human casualties always lead to heart-wrenching stories. The earthquake in Haiti is no exception. Whether it is the sheer number of displaced, injured, or deceased, the schools and orphanages destroyed, the volunteers working tirelessly to save lives, or any other story to come out of this catastrophic event, you would have to be heartless to not be moved in some way.

People everywhere are wondering what they can do to help. Some want to donate money to the "right" charity, others want to donate items, some wish to volunteer there or in places like Miami receiving Haitians being flown out of the country, and still others are coming up with creative ways to keep the situation in their hearts and minds without getting overwhelmed by the media coverage. How is your school covering Haiti and the earthquake? We would love to know and pass on ideas to other teachers...

As for donating to disaster relief efforts, please visit Charity Navigator if you are trying to figure out where best to send your donations. You can review and follow the charities of your choice, and as you can imagine, there is a wealth of knowledge regarding this most recent tragedy.

Public Action has always been a central theme to The Girls & Boys Projects. Thanks to all of you who instill this message in your students and those around you. Stay involved...

*Note: These images were taken from The NY Times' site. They have posted some fantastic multimedia online...

Forgive The Tardiness

2010-01-19T12:11:00.001-05:00

But, we thought this story is too important to go unnoticed by us. The Obama administration recently appointed Amanda Simpson to the role of technical advisor to The Department of Commerce. Why is this significant? She is the first openly transgender appointment from The White House.

In an article from Sphere, Mara Keisling, executive director for the National Center for Transgender Equality, is quoted as saying: "What's significant about it is that we finally have an administration in which being transgender isn't a disqualifying factor for a job." That's a reassuring thought. So many hires are questioned for potentially only filling an affirmative action need. This does not appear to be such an appointment, and furthermore, could lessen the misunderstandings or fears potential employers might have in making a similar hire.

Simpson understands the importance of her role: "...as one of the first transgender presidential appointees to the federal government, I hope that I will soon be one of hundreds, and that this appointment opens future opportunities for many others." Hear hear!

You Be The Judge

2010-01-10T19:57:00.000-05:00

Humorous? Racist? Just good fun? Hard to say...

The line between when to laugh at ourselves and when to be offended is sometimes unclear and often inconsistent. Either way, it's hard to be mad at those who find this funny... But, it's also ok to hope they understand the damaging effects stereotypes can have...

Making Their Voices Heard

2010-01-06T11:00:00.001-05:00

We thought it would be a good idea to post this video today. It is entitled "Voices" and was first aired publicly at our benefit dinner in 2008. We can talk about the benefit of our programs to no end, but it sometimes just makes more sense to hear it from those who are most directly affected by them: your students.

The video always reminds us of why we do the work we do. Hopefully, it will do the same for you. Enjoy!

Happy New Year, Unhappy New York!

2010-01-05T12:42:00.001-05:00

Huh?

You may have seen the CDC's study on overall happiness in every state in America. The study, started in 1984, collected data surrounding individual health and satisfaction with life. The results were recently released... Guess where New York ranked?

Yep, dead last. (Did they interview Knicks fans, or something?)

How could you not love the city that never sleeps?! Except, of course, if you are looking for a city that sleeps... The Top 10 states on the happiness scale: 1. Louisiana, 2. Hawaii, 3. Florida, 4. Tennessee, 5. Arizona, 6. Mississippi, 7. Montana, 8. South Carolina, 9. Alabama and 10. Maine. Bottom 3? 49. New Jersey, 50. Connecticut and 51. New York (D.C. was included in the study). For the complete list, click here.

Regardless of where you are, The Girls & Boys Projects hopes you find happiness in 2010! And, we should note... We LOVE being in New York!

Happy Holidays From Us To You!

2009-12-25T00:00:00.006-05:00

Saw their performance this week on The Jay Leno Show and thought, "These are the cutest kids..." And, they sound angelic: The African Children's Choir - perfect for the holidays. (The video was removed, but here they are in another performance)

Thank you for reading our blogs, for being friends of The Girls & Boys Projects, and for taking interest in the many issues we address here. Happy Holidays, and keep doing the great work!

Makes ME Wanna Holler.

2009-12-18T15:00:00.001-05:00

Did you ever read Nathan McCall's 1994 book Makes Me Wanna Holler? If so, you might recall a graphic and honest recount of McCall as a young boy participating in an abhorrible act - the gang rape of a young, unsuspecting girl. The section is entitled "Trains" - the nickname given to the act of one boy after another participating in this group rape. And, it makes you sick to your stomach reading it...

It's hard to get the image out of your head. The questions that arise about the attackers are endless, the answers unsatisfying. Why? How could you take part in this? What makes you think it's acceptable? How could you not care about another human being like this? There is hardly a response that will lessen the anger you feel as an outsider looking in.

And, you should know that as you read this story that came out of the Bay Area in October. On the school grounds of Richmond High School, during a homecoming dance, a 15-year old girl was brutally beaten and raped by 10 young men, while at least 20 people watched and did nothing. As with so many of these gang rapes, the victim went voluntarily to the destination - in this case, an alley near the school - but, what began as hanging out turned quickly to an attack.

The details of the story can be found in the article link above and won't be revisited here, but so many phrases from the article pop out at you: "macho," "bravado," "degradation of women." We've heard these terms associated with boys and young men for far too long. But, they are important to remind us what we're up against in raising young boys to make smart choices in becoming positive young men.

A teacher at Richmond's quotation in the article speaks volumes: "Those boys who did what they did weren't picturing that girl as a human. I think you see these kinds of boys at a lot of high schools - so desensitized it was like they saw her as a toy. Boys like that - there aren't many like them, but they can be so hard. All they needed was something to set them off."

Here's to hoping there really aren't "that many like them."

Christmas Wrapper?

2009-12-17T08:30:00.001-05:00

New York City is hosting a contest to design the wrapper of the NYC Condom. The city gives away more than 40 million each year and provides a bunch of related information on its site. You can find a history of condoms, why and how to use them, and how to obtain free condoms. Great opportunity to increase awareness...

Let's Talk About Sex!

2009-12-16T14:02:00.008-05:00

Jay Leno commented on a study earlier this week that revealed that parents wait too long to talk to their kids about sex. By the time they start the conversation, kids are already active. Jay's joke?

"Hey Kev, you know what you call parents who wait too long to talk about sex with their kids? Grandparents."

Nicely done, sir... But, he does bring up a good point, albeit extreme. Wait too long and... well, you may have waited too long! It's a topic that parents struggle with across the board: When is the right time to talk to my child about sex?

According to the piece in NurtureShock (a Newsweek blog), when kids start asking the questions, parents should start providing the answers. The article continually mentions "The Talk" and when to sit down with your kids. And, some of the reader comments demonstrate just how scary it can be for a parent... and just how necessary it is for a child.

But, thinking of it as "The Talk" is probably what makes it so daunting. If your children have questions about where babies come from at 3 or 4, answer those questions as honestly and directly (trying not to get lost in metaphor) as you can. And, if you feel you've left something out or need to explain something better, come back the next day and add to it. By creating ongoing dialogue, you're creating a safe space for your children to ask questions whenever they arise, thus putting the pieces in place to help them make informed decisions in life. And, you probably won't be overwhelmed with questions you're not prepared to answer (or uncomfortable with) in one session - as you might be if you wait until your child is 16!

There is no one way to go about this - each parent has to do what works best for them and what their kids need most. Hopefully, however, people will discuss less and less "The Talk" and more often, well, just talks.
__

Of course, the title of this post only makes you think... Salt-N-Pepa! They know what they're talking about...

Let's talk about sex for now
to the people at home / or in the crowd

It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
'Cuz that ain't gonna stop it

P.S. This statistic jumped out at us: "And about 60 percent of kids had heard about contraception and STDs before their sexual initiation." It's mind-boggling to read statistics like these... and, reassuring to know just how needed programs like The Girls & Boys Projects are...

So You Know... (Boy Talk Updates)

2009-12-15T13:00:00.001-05:00

Tiger Woods
On June 16, 2009, we posted "I'm Tiger Woods" - a piece dedicated to inspiring men to be better fathers. It was with some trepidation that we revisited the piece in the shadows of the recent revelations surrounding Tiger's extramarital indiscretions:

"And, now there is a new reason to want to be like the smiling, 33 year-old mega-star who never seems to make a wrong move: his role as 'Dad.'"

Phew. We're in the clear. Luckily for us, we focused more on Tiger's father's role as a dad than on Tiger's... That being said, The New York Times article referenced in our post really put Tiger on a pedestal. Shame on you, NYTimes... ;)

Lincoln University
"I Was Weight-Listed" is our November 24, 2009 post about the controversial, anti-obesity policy of Lincoln University in Pennsylvania. You might recall that the school requires anyone with a body mass index over 30 to demonstrate that they are trying to better their health through a required course, or by lowering their BMI.

December 2009, this from James L. DeBoy, chairman of the school's department of health, physical education and recreation: "After much discussion, we are no longer requiring students to pass the fitness test in order to graduate." The school will still attempt to work with students on being healthier, and will include additional factors to consider along with BMI.

At least the program brought much-needed attention to the severity of the obesity problem in the United States of America...

"Medicaid"... or "MedicATE"?

2009-12-14T08:45:00.001-05:00

Did you catch the eye-opening piece in The New York Times this weekend, Poor Children Likelier to Get Antipsychotics? Fascinating... We can basically assume that there will be class disparities in almost every facet of life. Whether discussing inequities in the education system, gentrification, disease, employment, etc. those with less are seemingly always up against more. But, the notion that poor kids are being drugged at alarmingly higher rates than their middle- and upper-class counterparts with similar symptoms really seems... well, "unfair" doesn't capture it.

Studies revealed that Medicaid is prescribing antipsychotic medication four times as fast to the poorest children, and often for much less serious conditions. The problem? Obviously, no one wants to over-medicate children. But, these drugs can also lead to various complications, including heart and weight issues. It isn't bad enough that poor neighborhoods are populated with fast-food options while bereft of healthy choices, now the medicines being prescribed are compounding the problem?

Hopefully, this piece will raise the awareness of the decision makers - from doctors to health-care reformers - to analyze the current policies and practices in the prescribing of medication. The message also must reach poor parents who need to understand it is within their rights to ask questions of their insurance companies and doctors. For many groups, a doctor's word is law and is almost never questioned. But, we all have the right to gather more information, obtain second opinions, and seek alternatives to medicating.

And, where children's health is concerned, parents should have more information - not less.

A Cure For Gayness

2009-12-10T00:14:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah?

If you haven't seen it, Rachel Maddow's interview with Richard Cohen is MUST-SEE TV... Cohen wrote a book entitled, "Coming Out Straight," in which he chronicles the many reasons one "turns" gay and how therapy can help you choose heterosexuality. He is not only a client, he's the president! Cohen himself was gay, then turned straight and is currently married with three kids.

In the interview, Maddow really holds Cohen accountable for the ideas he purports. She questions facts in his book and points out the deceptions surrounding his job title. But what is really interesting is the discussion of how his teachings are being used in Uganda to support anti-gay legislation that seems to promote the targeting and killing of homosexuals. Cohen is adamant about teaching tolerance and love for all, but Maddow effectively points out how his words breed misunderstanding, misconceptions, and hate.

It's been a while since we've posted a video here, but this one is well-worth the watch.

Books As Kindling?

2009-12-09T11:52:00.002-05:00

This story is a few months old, but it's too fascinating to let die. Cushing Academy, a prep school outside of Boston, MA, has decided to take bold steps where books and the school library is concerned. Believing that the future is digital, the school is going to do away with most (if not all) of its 20,000+ collection of books.

Electing to invest $500,000 in a new learning center, Cushing is looking at technology to replace traditional books. Are gadgets like Amazon's Kindle, the iPod Touch, and of course computers making books obsolete? The schools actions seem to suggest so...

The mental image of a bookless library sounds completely absurd. How will kids learn to research? What about the benefits of looking at shelves where you might be reaching for one book, but notice three or four other related texts? What about students who don't have financial resources to pay for these technologies??

The reality? 1. Students are already doing most of their research online. 2. Search engines return more results than you could possibly find on a library shelf. And, 3. Schools (especially private schools like Cushing) are making sure every student has the same access to technology, often including sending students home with laptops and handheld devices.

It does indeed sound bizarre. Most of us would never want to give up our libraries. And, the experience of holding a device cannot compare to the feel and smell of a book. But, technological advancements in almost every arena bring about changes that we first resist. Newspapers are struggling in the face of free information online. DJ's have made the move from vinyl to mp3. The counter-arguments sound so familiar - about the look and feel of newspapers/records, etc. - and the thought was unimaginable a decade or two ago. Yet, here we are...

Not having books is a scary thought... But, is it scary because we're losing so much? Or, because we can't imagine what life is like without them...

e-News is Good News!

2009-12-04T13:27:00.009-05:00

Hopefully, you've all received our second e-Newsletter, The Gender Lens. The newsletter was created last Spring in an effort to stay in better contact with the many educators and facilitators connected to our programs. If you click the image below, you will see all of the offerings of The Gender Lens, including tips for facilitators, useful websites, fun facts, and excerpts from our blogs.

As always, the success of our program depends greatly on the wonderful people facilitating it. We'd like to take a moment to say THANK YOU to those educators for all of their hard work and dedication, and to remind you all to keep sending us "stories from the field." Please tell us of any resources you are using, ways you've altered or enhanced lessons, or any thoughts you might wish to share. Our curricula are constantly evolving, and much of that direction is laid out by the feedback we get from you.

If you haven't received our e-newsletter, first check your spam folder! If it's not there, please let us know so we can address the problem: javaid@gp-bp.org. Also, If you are not signed up for our mailing list, please do so here. Thank You!

(Oh, and have you voted for us - The Institute For Labor & The Community - on Facebook? We need you, and have only a week left...)

Toddlers In Tiaras?

2009-12-02T16:00:00.001-05:00

Not a problem, until it's your son... Or, is it a problem?

Time Out New York Kids' article profiles three kids - two toddlers and an eight-year old - who prefer to look and dress like their opposite gender. And, for the hip New York moms and dads featured, the parental route to pursue is support vs. confusion. If that's what he wants to wear, if that's what makes him happy, then why fight it?

The article's subtitle is very interesting: "Got a cross-dressing kid? Ease up on the validation, experts say—it may not be what you think." The author's point is that parents of children who like to play cross-dress-up should not rush to judgement in either direction. Historically, parents tried to 'reverse the curse,' fearing that their kids might turn out to be gay, bi, or just confused. But, many modern parents try to go the other route and support - even push - a transgender lifestyle, which according to the article is not guaranteed.

Obviously, there is no one solution. However, the study cited in the article puts the chance at 75% that a child who cross-dresses with eventually identify as homosexual or bisexual. These yearnings and demonstrations by a child may be exactly the identifiers parents are constantly looking for to tell them who their child will eventually be (you know the parents who get excited when their daughter picks up a basketball, or when their son shows an affinity for singing?). At 75%, it's a lot more than a possibility...

The article ends by acknowledging that talking to your child is the most important part of the process. Indeed, these parents may make some mistakes along the way, but as long as their kids know that they are supported, they're on the right path.

Well, If I Can't Marry... You Can't Divorce!

2009-12-02T00:00:00.001-05:00

This story has to make you smile. John Marcotte is a 38 year-old married father of two, and he's come up with an eye-opening approach to reversing, or at least bringing awareness to, Proposition 8 in California.

You will recall that Proposition 8 made same-sex marriages illegal in California. You might also recall that the movement to make it so was fueled by various "pro-marriage" groups. Well, Marcotte is calling their bluffs. He wants to add a measure to next year's ballot that would make divorce illegal. (What?! That's just un-American!) Yes, you read correctly.

Marcotte has until March 22, 2010 to acquire over 600,000 signatures from registered voters in California. He is garnering support through his website where t-shirts are for sale to fund the movement. If he reaches that mark, the proposition will be up for vote next year. And, if it passes, it will become illegal to divorce your spouse in California.

You probably won't find many people out there who think this will pass, but you have to love the concept. If you love marriage so much, then you will want to protect it all costs. The divorce rate is over 50%; instead of making it illegal for same-sex couples to get married, why not make it illegal for "traditional" couples to divorce? It is definitely bringing some interesting discussions to the table. And, forcing some to look in the mirror.

Read an interview with Marcotte for more insights...

World AIDS Day

2009-12-01T11:08:00.005-05:00

Today is World AIDS Day. It is a day where some stop to think of the many who have died as a result of the syndrome. Others think about the work that has already been done, as well as what works lies ahead. And, still others will give thought to the millions who suffer daily from HIV/AIDS.

It is also an important day to generate financial support and general awareness around the issues. Many companies take part in the (RED) campaign, most visibly the GAP, which donates a portion of all (RED) purchases to The Global Fund, an organization that focuses its efforts in sub-Saharan Africa.

AIDS has ripped through the African continent with a ruthlessness that makes it impossible to ignore. But, while you are giving thought to the plight of Africans struggling to win this battle, please keep in mind that there is an AIDS battle right here in America.

Blacks and Latinos continue to be disproportionately affected by the spread of HIV/AIDS. Drug use is still a factor, but we now know that so much of the blame falls at the feet of men engaging in "high-risk" behavior and bringing home HIV to their unsuspecting wives. There are social, cultural, moral, and educational battles to fight in addressing this epidemic. And, there is no easy solution . . . But, the trends certainly won't be reversed if we think only of it as an African problem.

Chase Giving

2009-11-25T12:09:00.008-05:00

If you're a Facebooker, you've undoubtedly seen a ton of activity alerting you that a friend of yours has voted in the "Chase Community Giving Challenge." Now through December 11, charities have a chance to win awards ranging from $25,000-$1 million! Chase is giving away a total of $5 million to 100 worthy charities. So...

PLEASE VOTE FOR US!!

Of course, we thank you for all of your votes and support. Please forward and let your Facebook friends know, too!

And, please note:

1. You must have a Facebook account to vote.

2. Our 501(c)(3) name is The Institute for Labor & The Community, Inc. But, we are still The Girls & Boys Projects, as you've always known us. :)

3. We've heard that some people have encountered some issues with the Chase application - specifically, with whether their vote registered. If you do, please be patient and try to vote again.

We know you want to scroll down and read more entries, but go vote, then come back! Happy Holidays!!

I Was Weight-Listed

2009-11-24T10:37:00.011-05:00

Typo? Turns out, it's not... Ever heard of Lincoln University in Oxford, PA? Well, the school is breaking new ground in the arenas of fitness and health. And, upsetting quite a few folks in the process.

In 2006, in an effort to address the obesity epidemic in our country, the university implemented a Do Ask, Don't Swell policy. Every incoming frosh's Body Mass Index (BMI) was measured upon entering. Of the 19% who measured above 30 (the U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services threshold for obesity), around 25 now seniors have not lowered their BMI, nor have they taken the required course to demonstrate that they are at least educated about the health risks. The result? They are in jeopardy of not graduating.

The approach is somewhat radical, and definitely controversial. Read the following article's comments section and you will see there is much debate on the legality, as well as the ethics of this policy. Many schools have health requirements - courses that students must take to graduate, but Lincoln seems to be among the first to tie this to obesity and each student's BMI.

The school's heart seems to be in the right place: let's put out educated, but also healthy graduates. While it's a really ugly position for graduating seniors to be facing, maybe the course will help them to really question their health and wellness. Remember, they are not being required to lose weight; just to take a class. And, on the surface, it seems like taking a semester-long course pales in comparison to getting a new perspective on your well-being.

Fun cartoons on obesity and health in this article...

If I Were A Boy…

2009-11-21T22:54:00.008-05:00

If you’re an avid sports fan, you think you’ve pretty much seen it all. And, then that happens…

On November 5, 2009, University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert, at best, lost her cool in a game vs. BYU. At worst, she crossed the line between on-field violence and assault. In a video montage that might make Mike Tyson cringe (or smile, not sure), Lambert is seen tugging, pushing, elbowing, punching, kicking, and eventually viciously yanking the ponytail of an opponent on the pitch.This type of incident undoubtedly brings attention from the media and casual fan alike. People not used to seeing how physical contact sports can be are disgusted at what they saw. In particular, many are shocked to see it occur amongst young women.

Most already know that these games are physical. The pushing and elbowing are hardly newsworthy. But, we can probably all agree that the ponytail pull crossed a serious line. Not only could she have seriously injured someone, but it was an ugly cheapshot.

However, there is a place one should take exception in this story. Lambert says, “I definitely feel because I am a female it did bring about a lot more attention than if a male were to do it. It’s more expected for men to go out there and be rough.”

The notion that the story would not warrant such attention if it were men playing - that this type of violence is not a big deal in men’s sports - could not be further from the truth. While many may have been appalled because of the gender of the players involved, let us not forget the type of attention male players receive when their actions extend beyond the unwritten rules of aggressive, but fair play. To avoid turning this into a sports blog, here are some terms you should Google at your own leisure to see if her opinion holds weight:

Mike Tyson + Evander Holyfield + ear + bite
J.R. Reid + A.C. Green + teeth
Rudy Tomjanovich + Kermit Washington + punch
Jerramy Stevens + Tyler Brayton + knee
Marty McSorley + Donald Brashear + stick
Troy Polamalu + hair tackle

The list goes on and on. And, in many of these incidents, fans argued whether criminal charges should have been filed (some were). In certain cases, the violence even led to changes in the laws that govern the sport.

To say men do not receive this type of attention is simply false. If a male player yanked another player’s hair, snapping his neck back while he wasn’t looking? We would have been discussing criminal charges. There is precedence for this type of aggressive act.

Elizabeth Lambert was wrong in her opinion and wrong in her actions. Hopefully, she will continue to try to make it right.

"My Man... Fix Your Skirt."

2009-11-12T11:52:00.010-05:00

That probably doesn't sound as strange to the current generation of teens as it would to their parents.

It is safe to assume that as with any school rule, dress codes have been challenged since their inception. Girls have fought over skirt length and makeup, boys over blazers and ties. Even The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air wore his blazer inside out and, occasionally, his ties around his head - pushing the letter of the law without breaking it.

But, "Can A Boy Wear A Skirt To School?" brings light to an entirely new set of challenges and questions regarding dress code, gender identity, sexuality, and safety. And, it is clear from where this article gets its information, this is a widespread discussion (the schools range from Florida to California, Ohio to Texas, and everywhere in between).

What's the main issue, you ask? Wish it were that easy. The issues are complex and large in number: the stifling of identity, a lack of tolerance, protection from harassment, harassment, conformity, discouragement of self-expression, the limiting of classroom disruptions, and the list goes on. How do you address the students who want to cross-dress, and the teacher who says the other kids in the class can't concentrate? Or, the case of Lawrence King - a young boy who had something in him telling him to dress a certain way that didn't fit with the norm. He was happy that way. And, yet there was a classmate who had something in him telling him that a boy who dresses that way . . . doesn't deserve to live?

It's probably safe to say that most parents want the same three things for their child at school: to learn, to be safe, to be happy. The question is... in what order?

Resources For Educators

2009-11-05T11:43:00.010-05:00

In addition to fostering discussions, the Boy Talk blog is also your home for educational resources! Actually, it's a when-we-have-something-to-share-we-will situation...

The New York Times Learning Network is a fantastic knowledge base to which every teacher should subscribe. Last month, the site changed formats to a blog with all sorts of features including thousands (yes, thousands!) of free (yes, free!) lesson plans for teachers, quizzes, student opinions, and many more resources. In fact, today there is a very spirited debate on the question: "Should gay couples be allowed to marry?" Be forewarned: On this particular thread, as is to be expected, there is some ignorance in the comments section - but, the issues being addressed and the information being shared is well-worth the read, and may even inspire you to facilitate a similar discussion in your school.

A recent Google search revealed a fantastic resource called Jeopardy Labs. The site allows you to create actual Jeopardy-style games to use with your students! It's amazing how easy the site is to use, and how perfect the interactive template will be in your class (keeps track of team scoring and everything!). The best feature however, is the database. There are hundreds of previously made Jeopardy games (templates) created by other users and available for you to use. So, let's say you want to create a quiz on the topic of weather. Simply search for it through the "Start Browsing" link and use as you see fit! You can even modify the template if you need to change answers or point values, etc. Fantastic resource (and free!!)...

Lastly: HelpGuide.org is a great site filled with information, links, telephone numbers, and thoughts related to issues of grief, stress, addiction, disorders, and the list goes on. Whether you have concerns about people around you, or questions about your own mental or physical health, this site provides many answers and directions on where to find help. Highly recommend browsing their pages...

A First Time For Everything

2009-11-03T13:14:00.006-05:00

Every now and then, you read a story and think to yourself, "Seriously, what is wrong with men?" (You do, right?)

Well, if you haven't, this will be the first. The Guardian reports that a Chinese company has been manufacturing artificial "Virginity Hymens." (I'm sorry, did he just say-) Yes, you read correctly.

The goal is obvious: to give her partner the illusion that it is her first time having sex.

The product itself is wrong on almost too many levels to cover here. But, it is the motivation behind its creation that's even more disturbing. For whom was this created? If we were discussing saving women's lives in countries where women are persecuted or murdered for allegedly losing their virginity before marriage, women who may have previously been raped or simply not bled during intercourse, the need for such a product would be saddening, but at least noble in attempt.

Judging from the website's product description, and the fact that it is sold on an adult toys site, protecting women was not the impulse:

No more worry about losing your virginity. With this product, you can have your first night back anytime. Insert this artificial hymen into your vagina carefully. It will expand a little and make you feel tight. When your lover penetrate, it will ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount. Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable. Its easy to use, clinically proven non-toxic to human and has no side effects, no pain to use and no allergic reaction.

Is this what some men really need? Are we still so obsessed with virginity that we have to create modern versions of archaic practices to trick men into believing they are sleeping with virgins? And, in truth, it's not just men holding women to these unrealistic, anatomical standards - there are women who thrust equal venom at pre-marital sex. But, of course, if it didn't matter to men so much . . .

It's sad that in 2009 we are reverting to such practices; pathetic that we would even have to.

We can do so much better than this...

A Golden Girl, Indeed

2009-10-30T15:14:00.008-04:00

Who didn't love Bea Arthur? Just ask someone (over 30?) what they think of Bea and you'll probably hear, "I loved Bea Arthur!" They may even add something about how great Golden Girls was...

And, then you read a headline like this: "Bea Arthur Leaves $300K To Gay Youth". . . and you love her even more.

For those who may have heard your mothers say over and over, "Everything happens for a wise purpose," you will appreciate the light Bea's death and donation has brought to a cause she truly believed in. Protecting homeless LGBT youth is The Ali Forney Center's mission. Since 2002, the organization has housed and helped thousands of LGBT youth who have been forced out of their homes for being... well, who they are.

The center's work is incredibly noble and worthy of support. And, thankfully, even in death - Bea Arthur continues to help keep that work alive.

David, David, David - What Have You Done?

2009-10-28T12:41:00.012-04:00

The news broke on October 1, 2009: David Letterman had multiple affairs with female staffers. And, he was being blackmailed for $2 million. Yikes.

The story is not uncommon - man cheating on his wife; employer sleeping with employee; celebrity guilty of, well, something!

The question now becomes, "Is there a lawsuit coming?" We live in America - of course there's a lawsuit coming! A better question is how many or which kinds of lawsuits? It's not yet clear if this is grounds for a sexual harassment suit - either by the women he slept with, or by the other staffers who had to work in this environment. This article from Find Law is a great breakdown on the possible, legal implications of his actions, as well as a differentiation between types of harassment and whether there is a case here (if legal nuances bore you, you may want to skip to the second half of the article).

Even more interesting is the discussion about the working environment at The Late Show, and in the workplace, in general. Nell Scovell, a former writer from The Late Show, wrote a compelling, personal tale in Vanity Fair of what it was like to work for Letterman; what is was like to not be the object of his affection; to know your career would not progress because you were one of his... types. It is clearly hard enough to be a writer in these all-male dominated writing rooms of late night television (Conan, Leno, and Letterman all employ NO female writers), but how much harder must it be when you're juggling sexual politics as well?

So many issues have surfaced because of this story. Hopefully, people will not shy away from discussing appropriate and inappropriate behavior in the workplace. Obviously, some people meet their significant others at their jobs (David Letterman's wife was a production staffer at Late Night when they met). On his last show, Jay Leno introduced us to over 60 kids who had been born to staffers who met while working for the show over the past 17 years. These were staff members... but, shouldn't the boss be held to a higher standard? When your name appears above the building you walk into everyday, don't you set the tone for everything that goes on there? This article in New York Magazine seems to suggest as much where it quotes one former staffer as saying of Dave and his assistants: "They rule by fear. You don’t want to make Dave mad or so-and-so mad, so you better do a good job. Everyone there is scared of their shadow all the time.”

With that type of working environment, how many women who value their jobs are willing to turn an advance away? And, how many more struggle to figure out how they can get in the boss' good graces? It's a complicated situation, no question . . . But, completely avoidable.

Couldn't resist:

The Top Ten Things To Learn From David Letterman's Escapades:

10. Extortion? Not cool.
9. It may never be clear whether these women had relationships with Letterman to advance their careers, because they felt they had to, or just because they wanted to.
8. Hitting on people who work for you is in the least inappropriate, at worst sexual harassment.
7. Not hitting on some, while hitting on others, is sexual favoritism and can create a "hostile work environment."
6. Late-night talk shows have no female writers.
5. This will probably do nothing to Letterman's popularity, but let's hope it fosters change in the business of The Late Show.
4. Blackmail is the least of David Letterman's concerns.
3. The ignorance in the "Comments" section of Letterman-related articles is astounding.
2. Apparently, none of us would understand the reference of a "head cheerleader" without accompanying it with an insult: a former staffer said, "...I think he's also going for easy targets... He's not going to ask the head of the cheerleading team to prom. He's going to ask the head of the band or something." (What did the head of the band do to you?!)
1. Don't cheat on your wife.

The Worst Man In History

2009-10-20T13:09:00.004-04:00

Who, you ask? Try all of us. Yep, modern man, when compared to men of the past - way, way back, past - could be the "the sorriest cohort of masculine Homo sapiens to ever walk the planet." That according to a new book by Peter McAllister entitled, "Manthropology."

In the book, McAllister, an anthropologist, makes claims that prehistoric man was faster and stronger than man is today. In fact, some women were stronger than modern man is today, too. The why [this happened] makes perfect sense - we don't have to run down our own food anymore, we don't take part in war the same way, and our tests of manhood come in very different forms now. The why he chose to reveal this information is less clear.

*Note: It might be important to introduce a new "Man Law" at this time:

Rule #45: If you find in your research that man has become weak, shiftless, and a basic waste of space, do not release these findings in a book that is easily accessible by our female counterparts.

Can you hear the fights men and women will have now?! ("You aren't half the man you used to be!") The insults are limitless... Women already have enough ammunition with the dumb things men do, why provide more fodder?

It that's not enough, wait for McAllister's next book about the Aka Pygmies of Western Congo: "Dubbed the 'best fathers in the world', the men spent most of their time raising the children, going so far as to offer their nipples for the babies to suck on."

MCALLISTERRRR!!! WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE?!?!

Hopefully, his work will open up some interesting dialogues on the concepts of health, activity, and manhood. Even if it does paint a sorrowing picture of devolution...

Out Of The Darkness

2009-10-15T14:06:00.008-04:00

Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, the "Out of the Darkness Community Walks" are designed to raise money and awareness to the issues of depression and suicide. They also assist those who have lost someone close to them to suicide.

Among the facts you can read on their site, AFSP posts that although women attempt suicide three times as much as men, men account for four times as many deaths by suicide. And, looking through the statistics, many of them "make sense;" meaning, one can understand the reasons behind them. For example, although guns are the leading method of suicide in both men and women, men tend to use this more immediate, more fatal option first vs. trying pills or other methods. Women tend to seek help (in this case, a cry for help) more than men. No matter the reason or method, those left behind after suicide must "try to make sense of it."

Last winter, two high-school boys in New York City - one at Packer Collegiate School, one at The Dalton School - took their lives, leaving their communities struggling to find answers. This Sunday, October 18th, a team from Packer is walking to honor their classmate, student, and friend Chris. If you would like more information on how to participate, or wish to monitor or donate to team "Packer Generations" (they've already raised over $11,000!), please visit the site.

Hating On Hate

2009-10-14T10:38:00.007-04:00

We've all read about hate crimes or seen them on the news. But, watching them - on video or in person - surfaces an entirely different emotional response. It has to.

On October 9, 2009, Jack Price was attacked and brutally beaten near his home in Queens, NY. The video is extremely disturbing. On it, two young men simply pounce on the 49 year-old on a desolate street. They show no regard for his life or their own - barely even pausing as two cars pass them - one at arm's length. Jack Price is currently struggling for his life...

We have an answer to the "why," but it doesn't seem to explain it: Price was apparently targeted because he is gay (his assailants yelled anti-gay hatred at him). He was also robbed, but it's clear from the video that 1. They could have robbed him without the excessive beating, and 2. It was almost an afterthought. No, these guys had venom in their hearts and took it out on someone who did nothing to provoke them.

The thought that these two focused in on Price because of his apparent sexuality forces us to try to understand not only where this hate comes from, but what makes it brew until an explosion like this. Were they bullied as kids? Were they taught that homosexuality is a punishable offense? Are they grappling with sexuality issues of their own? The more we understand about this deep-seated anger, the better chance we have of ridding ourselves of hate crimes.

We shouldn't search for understanding, however, to generate any compassion for these criminals; every word being used seems fitting: deplorable, heinous, despicable, unforgivable. Why we should search for understanding is to prevent the next attack.

When Facebooking Goes Wrong...

2009-10-06T15:41:00.007-04:00

As social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter continue to grow in popularity, more and more related issues are being unearthed: Are we losing human contact and face-to-face interaction? What is appropriate to reveal online? Are we spending too much time updating our statuses?

Schools are restricting access; businesses are researching candidates' online "brands" before hiring; sports teams are enacting rules about what, where, and when you can "social network." Apparently, even our government is cracking down on tweeting...

What is clear, is that there is very little that is clear. When are inappropriate times to use these social networking sites? When is regulation impinging on free speech? How much information is too much to share?

We are very interested to hear what your school or organization's policies are where social networking sites are concerned. Can students be held accountable - by the school - for what they post on these sites? Have you encountered incidents of student bullying or harassment through these sites, even if not on school time? Please feel free to add a comment here or shoot us an email: javaid@gp-bp.org

No matter what the policy, there is one rule we should all learn from this story: If you're going to break into someone's house, don't use their computer to check your Facebook account!

(Or, at least logout...)

Jesus Was Hot In That, Too!

2009-09-25T09:52:00.008-04:00

Great line from a fantastic piece: "Coming Out In Middle School,"by Benoit Denizet-Lewis. The article chronicles stories of middle schoolers from Oklahoma to California who identify as gay or bisexual. Some are out to their families, peers, and schools, some aren't. And, although each kid's story is unique, there is one thought that consistently makes an appearance:

"You're so young, how could you possibly know already?"

Many acknowledge in the article how flawed this argument really is. How many would question it if your 12 year-old son or nephew said he had a crush on a girl? Would he be too young to know? The mother of 12 year-old Kera put it best: "I knew I was interested in boys when I was her age, so it didn’t strike me as unusual that Kera might know she’s interested in boys and girls, put two and two together and call herself bisexual. Kids just know what those words mean a lot earlier than when I was growing up.”

Obviously, not everyone is able to see the logic in that sentiment. From being ostracized by friends and family to actually being assaulted (with a bible?!), these teens and pre-teens are faced with a difficult choice of whether to come out or not; something generations before them faced, but without the presence of school organizations (like GSAs - Gay, Straight, Alliances), and probably with less open-minded adults around them.

What stands out in all of their stories is the role school plays in their lives. A comedian once said something like, "I don't know why parents beat their kids... when damaging them psychologically is so much more permanent." Parents play a huge role in our lives, but acceptance by the peer group at this age? Hard to say whether it's more important, but it's certainly up there. Some schools seem to get this concept completely. But, addressing issues of sexuality is still not easy for every teacher to do. Comments from teachers range from avoidance to discomfort:

"If I have to stop what I’m doing every time a student says ['You're gay!'], I won’t have any time to teach!"

Jennifer Mathieu Blessington of Johnston Middle School in Houston has adopted a simple policy that more teachers should try to impart on their students: "We don’t use the word 'gay' in a negative way in this classroom. Gay people are human beings, and that’s the way we talk about them in here. Is that understood?"

And, the discomfort:

"... Others are afraid to address the language because they feel like it would mean talking about sexuality, which they aren’t comfortable doing in a middle school setting."

The Girl Talk and Boy Talk Blogs are not intended to be plugs for our program. Through our blogs, we hope to facilitate discussions and stimulate some thought - and, occasionally offer a fun read. But, it's so hard to see a sentiment like this without thinking about The Girls & Boys Projects. In addition to trying to empower students to find their own voices, we also hope teachers will obtain new language and comfortability in dealing with these social issues.

As is clearly evident from the article, changing the culture of a school - of a society - is a collaborative effort. And, we're glad to be doing our part.

From The Dept. Of Redundancy Dept.

2009-09-23T15:00:00.005-04:00

(... Thanks Stuart Scott for that title)

Stumbled upon a really interesting site recently: Science Blog. The site reports on various scientific studies being done - topics and their outcomes.

Fascinating piece of information on smoking (you'll thank us later): turns out that parents influence their children when it comes to smoking. The more communication against smoking, the less likely a child is to start the habit. Conversely, if the parents smoke, the child is more likely smoke.

And, in a related story, the more exposure you have to the sun, the more likely you are to be hot . . .

Seriously, how much money was spent on this research? Maybe it's important at times to study something we assume to be true, just to be sure . . . But, this one seems all too obvious. What we might want to know instead is what those "guidelines" are that parents should set for their kids (is it "Don't ever smoke" or "Don't smoke in gym class"?). What campaigns have been effective and what ads contribute to youth smoking? What strategies are being given to kids to fight peer pressure?

Thankfully, Science Blog offers a lot more on its site. Parents shouldn't need to be told that their voice matters . . . But, if it helps to remind one parent, we can forgive the study. ;)

The Normalization Of Failure

2009-09-17T11:53:00.009-04:00

The Black Male Donor Collaborative held an event this week to introduce potential funders to the great work the organization has undertaken. The program saw very passionate speakers addressing the problems Black males face in the public school system in America, particularly in New York City.

While there were many insights that evening, two ideas stood out. The first, offered by Dr. John Jackson, President and CEO of The Schott Foundation is that there is no "silver-bullet" to solve all of the inequities in public education. The solution is a combined effort that focuses on better resources, teacher accountability, funding for schools and programs that work, removing those that don't, and the list goes on.

The other idea appears in this entry's title: "the normalization of failure." Dr. Pedro Noguera of NYU is the lead researcher for the Collaborative. Among other things, his work has highlighted the fact that while the country may not be consciously steering Black males to fail in school or end up in prison, most Americans have come to view this as the norm; a position he refuses to accept.

It was refreshing to hear emphasis placed on the "whole child," which shows the importance programs like The Girls & Boys Projects have on our young people's full development. While testing is important, if a child is unhappy in school, he (or she) will eventually not want to be there. Obviously, it's going to take a real collaborative effort to turn our educational system around...

Hear The One About The Gay Penguins?

2009-09-01T15:42:00.008-04:00

No, really...

Earlier this summer, Z and Vielpunkt hatched a penguin chick in a zoo in Germany. They are both males. And, they aren't the first such pair. In The San Francisco Zoo, Harry and Pepper (pictured below) - together since 2003 - also raised a chick as a same-sex penguin couple.

Both stories provide fascinating insight into the animal kingdom where sexuality and parenting is concerned. What is equally interesting is human reaction to these penguin stories. In Germany, gay rights advocates protested when females were introduced to encourage reproduction. In San Francisco, the couple split when Harry . . . 'went straight' - the apparent undoing by a home-wrecking female - and, those against gay rights used the story as proof of homosexuality's being unnatural.

What was clear in both stories, however, was that none of the other penguins in either colony had a problem with the same-sex couples. Could they have felt that a couple choosing to raise a baby was a good thing, regardless of the circumstance? Wish we knew . . .

A fun story deserves a fun ending. Penguin humor for you:

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. While doing this the clerk spots two penguins sitting on the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says, "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them but, I haven't a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!"

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "and we had a great time. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

The Problem With Summer

2009-08-24T21:48:00.006-04:00

For its poorest students, America doesn’t have a school problem.

It has a summer-vacation problem.

- Malcolm Gladwell

By now, you've either read Outliers, or become completely annoyed by those around you who keep recommending it (if not, you may need to change your circle). Gladwell's eye-opening read sheds light on a number of topics, one of the most interesting being the damaging effects of summer vacation on America's poorest students.

The studies cited in the book show that while lower-class students and upper-class students perform at similar levels during the year (5th Grade, in this particular study), over the summer, privileged students continue learning at a superior rate, while the rest fall behind. The obvious result is that come September, the gap between the haves and the have-nots is quite substantial - and, extremely difficult to overcome.

The reasons why you can probably figure yourself: absence of reading, days spent hanging out in the neighborhood, parents who can't take vacation leaving kids unmonitored... And, of course, there are those missing life experiences: camps, travel, trips to museums and other cultural institutions. For some, learning simply doesn't stop.

Which is why it was so refreshing to follow the Obamas' first summer in office.

Eiffel Tower. Pantheon. The Kremlin. Ghana. Rome... If these stops were crossed off your bucket list, you would have done well in life. Imagine covering them in two months! The message is clear: summer is not a time to slack. And, while you can read about a slave prison, nothing will replace the experience of having set foot in one. Indeed, the first-daughters have truly been exposed to an amazing amount of life experiences already...

Also amazing is that some have been critical of this type of travel in such a poor economy. What kind of message is the President sending to those who are struggling financially right now? The point is not invalid, but it doesn't address the counterpoint: True, but what kind of example is he setting for those who face financial struggles regularly?

The problem with summer? Probably, when it's viewed as a break - instead of an opportunity.

Caught On Camera

2009-07-22T11:10:00.010-04:00

It's crazy. Every time we turn around, there's a new harmful phenomenon grabbing our kids. The trend of posting fights between teens online is growing in popularity. It gained local attention recently, when a video of girls fighting in the Bronx made it to the news. But, it only takes a quick search to find hundreds and hundreds of similar videos.

The consistent dominance of professional wrestling (WWE) and the increasing popularity of ultimate fighting (UFC) should tell us that, as a society, we enjoy watching a fight. Whether we claim to see artistry in the battle, or whether we just like seeing someone get knocked out, something about a fight captures our attention.

But, bullying caught on camera? Then, posted for - what - bragging rights?? What's crazy is that some of these videos are not "meet me after school in the park" fights, but actual bullying and assault cases. And, if you search for anti-bullying videos on YouTube, you will find quite a few - many have been viewed thousands of times. But, search for a good old fight? The viewership these videos get is astounding - and almost instantaneous.

How do we combat this new trend? Kids have been fighting at lunch and after school - probably since school was created. But, the presence of camera phones and the internet add a new dimension to the fold. Now, there is fame to achieve. Now, there are global bragging rights to obtain. And, unfortunately, now there is one less bystander who might have been able to break up the fight . . . because he's holding the camera.

Many are asking questions of YouTube and other free video hosting sites: what is their role and responsibility, and what should their policies be? Schools are also asking questions - what is the reach of school rules? Can students be punished for off-campus fights? These are all worthy questions. But, we may not find solutions until we ask ourselves what kind of society we are that just can't get enough of watching these fights happen...

Ending on a more positive note, an anti-bullying campaign:

G.E.O.A.T.

2009-07-07T16:13:00.011-04:00

"The Greatest Entertainer Of All Time"

That's how Michael Jackson was remembered today at his historic memorial service.

You would have had to be living in an underground bunker without internet, phone, or television service not to know (and without friends or family). The coverage of this icon has dominated the headlines and drawn comparisons to the deaths of Pope John Paul II and Princess Di. And, during that coverage, many have articulated conflicted feelings about Michael given the controversies that surrounded him.

Question is, why do we overlook the flaws of some, yet refuse to for others? This type of "choice acceptance" could be a sociological study. Kobe Bryant was accused of rape, yet one would be hard-pressed to find a public figure calling him a rapist. Martin Luther King had extramarital affairs, but hardly gets the treatment Bill Clinton receives. Today, some call Michael a hero, others a monster. How history will tell Michael's story is unclear. But, there was one thing that was clear today: Michael Jackson's music inspired.

John Stewart recently told Bruce Springsteen that his music was inspiration when he needed direction. He credited Springsteen with making him who he is today. Similarly, on his last shows, Jay Leno gave credit to James Taylor, acknowledging that he heard Taylor's song in the car and it inspired him to go on the road and become the comedian we now know.

It is safe to say that The King of Pop has a ton of stories like these of his own. If he moved you, you understand. If not, take solace in knowing that he had this effect on others. When we had fights with our parents, we could close the door and listen to Mike. When we were preparing for the biggest school dance of the year, we could work on our steps to his music. When we needed to forget about life's troubles on a dancefloor, his songs provided the score. It's not simply an obsession with stardom. For many, Michael Jackson has been with us when no one else was.

And, for that, he deserves his day.

Enjoy an old favorite:

Tech Geeks Unite!

2009-07-07T12:24:00.005-04:00

Having just returned from the National Educational Computing Conference in Washington, DC, technology and computing are on the brain! It is quite refreshing to see the creative ways in which educators are implementing moodles, cell phones, iPods, and smart boards (among other tech options) with their students. Students are now actively communicating across continents using video, text, and websites. And, participating teachers join a global network of like-minded educators trying to use every available resource to educate their kids.

In that spirit . . . a few tips picked up last week. Enjoy!

- Google: If you have not explored the new options on Google, what exactly are you doing with your life?! The search engine giant has its hands in so many different arenas, you may wish to subscribe to their blogs just to stay current. But, be sure to check out the following (btw, these are all F-R-E-E!):

FORMS - You can create surveys for your parents, teachers, students - whomever. The options are incredible (explore the "Gadgets" section - one favorite is "Word Cloud") and will easily replace paying for similar services. The best part? You data is updated instantly in spreadsheet or graph views. Whoa.

SITES - Did you know you can create your own website on Google? It's true - and now you have a place where you can embed maps, videos, articles, homework, student contributions - whatever you like. You can also collaborate (similar to a moodle) with other educators on curriculum.

There are so many more - just be sure to visit the Google Apps (and Labs) section and explore on your own time.

- Handheld Learning: Are you using an iPod Touch or cell phone to your advantage in the classroom? More teachers are than you might think. It's hard to deny that the future is headed towards more technology than less, so why not be ahead of the curve?

Tony Vincent - Tony is an educator whose website learninginhand.com is an amazing resource for handheld teaching. Take a look at how students are using the Touch and all of its applications in school.

Hall Davidson - From Discovery, Hall runs workshops on using cell phones (among other things). His site link has interesting ideas and websites showing the potential of this [normally] banned device. Very cool...

That's probably a lot for now. If you are doing anything creative with technology that you wish to share, please let us know. Next year's NECC is in Denver - look into it; it was definitely worth the trip!

[Last "tip": If you are an educator or student and purchase a new laptop from Apple, you can get a free iPod Touch! (rebate)] :)

I'm Tiger Woods

2009-06-16T23:41:00.006-04:00

Who can forget those adorable little faces from Nike's "I Am Tiger Woods" ad campaign? Golf was almost immediately being watched by a wider and more diverse audience, and being played by people once denied access to the same courses on which the game takes place. Kids everywhere wondered what it would be like to be Tiger Woods, the golfer.

And, now there is a new reason to want to be like the smiling, 33 year-old mega-star who never seems to make a wrong move: his role as "Dad."

The images of Tiger and his father Earl embracing on the golf course are as well known as the red-shirt-ed, fist-pumping Tiger adding another trophy to his collection. The love and respect from father to son was tangible and admirable. As the NYTimes piece above notes, "If Woods grew up knowing nothing else, it was that his father and his mother, Kultida, were wholly committed to him."

And, that's an important lesson to take away from this story. Kids will always want to be Tiger Woods. They will want to achieve his success on the golf course and be worth what he is worth. But, with Father's Day just in our rear-view mirrors, fathers (and fathers-to-be) should garner additional inspiration from the phrase "wholly committed to him." We can't all fly our kids around the world to watch Daddy play golf like Tiger Woods. We can't all take the time away from work to foster our child's passion for golf like Earl Woods. But, what we can do is work hard everyday to be sure our kids know we are wholly committed to them . . . And, you don't need a private jet to do that.

The Review Adds 10 Pounds!

2009-06-09T15:51:00.006-04:00

Britney Spears is touring in Europe to mixed reviews:

Critique: "She hardly engaged the audience"

Praise: "Britney Spears was the perpetual motion machine"

These, from the professional reviewers. The fans paint a different picture with words like "awesome" and "great." But, one theme that was clear throughout is that Britney's body will always be a topic of discussion (she probably can't avoid this while wearing those outfits):

"She showed that her body was tight"

"She appeared healthy, robust and happy"

But, of course, there are always more negative comments like "chunky" and "heavy," and so many of these comments are from men. Looking at her body and reading these words, one has to wonder, "What more can she do?"

Let's just hope her youngest fans aren't internalizing these negative thoughts . . . as much as we know they are.

So, I'm Gay Now?

2009-06-03T14:00:00.010-04:00

- This photo was taken in a toddler playground of a housing project in Brooklyn

There are a number of problems with this scene. To start, the grammar is off - it should be "sees." And, where's the punctuation? (Who's teaching kids how to write derogatory hate messages these days??) The second problem is the placement - a baby and toddler playground? For whom is this written? And, the most glaring issue is . . . it makes no sense.

Phrases like, "That's so gay" or "You're gay" have simply become all too prevalent. The terms are thrown around without caution, often (as in this case) without an identifiable context. One would think that the overuse of these phrases would lessen their effect; would reduce the pain felt by those on the receiving end because the words are so commonplace.

The truth is that the language still hurts, as evidenced by the recent suicide deaths of young boys who were the victims of homophobic bullying. And, even a message like the one above - intended for no one and everyone - adds to the hurt.

In trying to figure out how to eliminate the language from our lexicon and how to rid ourselves of homophobic bullying, are we also thinking about how to lessen the hurt these words cause? While addressing the taunting, are we also empowering the taunted to get past the attacks?

If only it were as easy as simply seeing that being called gay is not an insult...

Truly An Obamanation?

2009-05-27T12:46:00.009-04:00

There are some folks in the South who are up to old tricks... Or, at least they haven't adopted any new ones. Turns out there are places in America that still have segregated proms!

Whatchu talkin' bout, Willis?!

Yep, best friends, teammates, study mates - all share a school and common experience until it's time to dance at the end of the year. Then, there is a White prom on one night, and a Black prom on the next. The students don't seem to want it this way, so who exactly are these proms for?

The worst part is the explanation: "It's how it's always been."

You know, there are a lot of things that had just "always been" that were eventually changed. And, no self-respecting school - or state, for that matter - should allow this to continue. Especially not when we have a 1/2 Black, 1/2 White president in the White House... (Wonder which prom he would attend...)

Daddy's Home! (Not By Choice)

2009-05-01T11:34:00.008-04:00

Have you noticed a rise in stroller-pushing Dads in your neighborhood? And, not just on the weekends? It turns out the economy has relegated many fathers to new professions: Stay-At-Home Dads.

It will be interesting to watch how this trend plays out. Not only are gender roles being challenged - or balanced - in terms of parenting, but there are also the sometimes unspoken dynamics which surround whose is the primary income in the house. In "Dreams From My Father," Barack Obama discusses this dynamic between his grandmother and grandfather and the challenges it created in their household. That was the 60's. We've made great strides since then. More women are in the workforce, earn more money than they used to, and compete for higher positions. But, will both parents be ok with a wife's being the breadwinner? With a husband without a job? With a father being a stay-at-home dad?

We'll have to wait and see. Let's just hope those fathers out there are able to see that the unfortunate position of being out of work does not compare to the fortunate position of raising your child everyday... No matter how exhausting.

Still In My Prime

2009-04-21T14:54:00.007-04:00

How does that quotation go about teaching old dogs new tricks?

Well, the folks at the Michael Ann Russell JCC haven't given up hope. Responding to a recent rise in sexually transmitted infections among senior citizens, members of the organization got together and created a claymation, informational video on the dangers of unprotected senior sex:

In a related story, The Girls & Boys Project is developing a senior curriculum for this neglected population... Gotta stay cutting edge!

Bonus: A little humorous coverage of the story courtesy of The Daily Show.

Take a Stand. Lend a Hand.

2009-04-15T13:17:00.009-04:00

Stop Bullying Now!

That's the mantra headlining the government's anti-bullying campaign. The website is extremely accessible and kid-friendly (mostly ages 9-13, with information for anyone - including an Educator's Corner and a Family Corner). Kids will be able to relate to the stories and scenarios, which were contributed by the Expert Youth Panel, i.e. other kids. Encourage kids to take the "Do You Bully Others" quiz . . . Examples include:

You and your friends have regularly kept one or more kids from hanging out or playing with you.
You've teased people in a mean way, calling them names, making fun of their appearance, or the way they talk or dress or act.

Congrats to the HRSA for creating a great resource for kids. Hopefully, kids will take away some tools for dealing with bullying...

I Used To Rule The World

2009-03-27T12:28:00.005-04:00

Kudos to the PS22 Chorus - kids and faculty!

In light of vast budget cuts in the music and arts, the voices and faces in this video serve as clear reminders that these programs enrich kids' lives. Look at the seriousness with which these young singers approach their Coldplay cover. Note the pride in their faces as they harmonize effortlessly.

Government officials should visit PS22's blog to be reminded of what is lost when these programs are cut . . . Or, they can simply enjoy a respite from the grind of the day.

Let Them Lead The Way

2009-03-24T14:16:00.008-04:00

It's hard to imagine what it's like to be a gay or bi-sexual teacher in schools these days. With the language that students use, it's even harder to imagine how one could come out in that environment. That's why Chance Nalley's story is so refreshing.

When Nalley came out to his school in 2007, the reaction was surprise, then surprise:

“I was really surprised,” recalled [a] 13-year old boy. “It didn’t change anything about what we thought about him, though.”

Surprised?

Yes, kids can certainly be mean at times. Honestly, they can be flat out ruthless. But, they can also be the most supportive audience when they're ready. And, they can teach adults a lot about acceptance and openness . . .

(Warning: Happy Ending)

The 32 year-old teacher is going to celebrate his commitment to his partner in a ceremony this April . . . and, is expecting almost 100 of his middle schoolers to be there.

Don't Google Your Name!

2009-03-20T12:28:00.006-04:00

It was advice given by a former American Idol contestant to the current cast. Rihanna may need to take this advice to heart.

The internet reaction to the Rihanna-Chris Brown saga has been alarming . . . and, yet, somewhat predictable. Were Rihanna to read these comments, she might start to believe that this assault was her fault. Young female voices are placing the blame on Rihanna in large numbers - and in no uncertain terms. Yes, they are girls and young women, but they are also fans:

“She probly ran into a door and was too embarrassed so blamed it on chris.” (NYTimes March 18, 2009)

After sitting in on a NYC middle school advisory this week, it is clear that this "siding" [with Chris Brown] is the norm, not the exception. Are we raising a generation of girls that will come to accept violence in relationships as normal? Even worse, are we raising boys who are listening to these girls and thinking, "If they don't have a problem with it..."

The Othello lesson at the end of the article (above) is one approach to addressing this issue. Would love to hear what else is being done out there...

You're My Boy, Blue!

2009-03-17T12:07:00.007-04:00

New terms make their way into our lexicon daily. Some need more explaining than others. In fact, if you have an hour to kill, try explaining "Twitter" to a parent or grandparent... Well, it seems there's a term that has actually been around for quite some time, but is really gaining popularity in recent years - and, definitely has some 'splaining to do: BROMANCE

A bromance or "man-crush" is a close but non-sexual relationship between two men.

Come again?

It turns out that two guys who are really close - watch games together, have a drink, make regular time to hang out - could be involved in a bromance. "Here's To Bromance" discusses the many nuances of bromances, as well as theories about the term's origins. What's fascinating is that all of the aspects described? Used to be called "best friends."

One is left to wonder how this term will change the way men behave towards each other. Men already have a hard time sharing feelings with other men at the risk of seeming soft, how will they react when others imply that the friendship they have is actually an intimate relationship? It's hard to find anything wrong with these friendships, but will men have the courage to overlook the taunts? To build solid bonds with their boys despite the bromance label?

It's not likely that a similar term will be cast upon women pursuing the same bonds with other women - those are still "BFF" relationships. What's more likely are images like the one seen below. Very funny, but at what cost?

Can't Focus With Her In The Room?

2009-03-13T14:22:00.006-04:00

Seems that's the case for a lot of boys. And, one school in the Bronx is trying to address it. Not completely going the traditional route of a single-sexed school, PS 140 is attempting to solve some of its performance numbers by separating girls and boys for certain academic classes.

The thought behind the experiment is simple: "some advocates believe that girls are more likely to participate in class when no boys are present — and that boys, particularly those from low-income families, tend to focus better without girls around." (NYTimes March 10, 2009)

The results? Arguable at best. PS 140 has seen results - especially where behavior is concerned. But, the jury is still out in other schools around the country on this topic.

One point that's hard to dispute, however, is that conversations about social issues? Body changes, bullying, hormones, feelings?? Those conversations are NEVER the same when we're all in the room...

Mayor Bloomberg, I Need A Voucher

2009-03-04T12:16:00.008-05:00

Are you a Black boy?

Do you want to graduate from high school?

Move to North Dakota.

It's a well-known mantra among Black Americans, especially older generations: "Black people have to work twice as hard to get half the chance." The notion behind this sentiment is personified in an eye-opening study conducted by The Schott Foundation, "Given Half a Chance: The Schott 50 State Report on Public Education and Black Males."

The study uncovers glaring statistics and conclusions illustrating just how badly our school systems are failing Black males. Two that stood out most are:

1. North Dakota is the best performing state for Black males. Upside? An 89% graduation rate. Downside? Well, let's just say if you're looking to blend in, this may not be the place...

And, 2: Black males do better in White schools. The report specifies that this is not due to proximity with White students, but rather enrollment in well-resourced schools (dedicated staff, libraries, textbooks and computers, science labs, etc.).

The question then becomes, can this mother really be in jail for sending her kids to a better school district? Maybe she read the report and knows that New York State ranked 45th (and New York City #1) on the "Lowest Performing" scale... Can't blame her for trying to give her kids the other half a chance, can you?

Take A Bow

2009-03-03T11:09:00.005-05:00

The one upside to celebrity gossip is when certain issues that normally go undiscussed gain a national spotlight. Be it adoptions from Africa, children with autism, or adults battling addictions we are reminded of many hard realities in our world. Sadly, that is the case with pop stars Rihanna and Chris Brown. Their recent bout with domestic violence surprised many; their reuniting surprised few. But, it allows us the opportunity to highlight a real issue - young people face unhealthy relationships, too.

The statistics are staggering. Some put the number at 25% of teens and college-aged young adults have experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse from their partners, most often boyfriends. The number of those who report knowing someone who has been a victim is much, much higher.

HelpGuide.org is a fantastic resource for warning signs, hotlines, and general information about this alarming trend. The site also has a "Power and Control" graphic on how domestic violence manifests itself:

Although the song discusses infidelity, the lyrics to Rihanna's hit song "Take A Bow" speak volumes:

You look so dumb right now

Standing' outside my house

Trying' to apologize

You're so ugly when you cry

Please, just cut it out

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not

Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught

But you put on quite a show

Really had me going

But now it's time to go

Curtain's finally closing

That was quite a show

Very entertaining'

But it's over now (but it's over now)

Go on and take a bow

Wish it were that easy...

Are You Serious?

2009-02-25T11:53:00.012-05:00

The opening line catches you right away: "A shocking statistic—teenagers are in more danger from sexual predators at their part time jobs than through the Internet." Seriously?

This piece from PBS (click to view the entire 26-minute segment) reveals a far too underreported trend among teenagers: sexual harassment in the workplace.

One might wonder why a story like this is on Boy Chat, especially because it chronicles the plights of women in three different businesses. It's always important to teach employees their rights and to offer victims support services . . . but, how are we addressing the harassers, i.e. (most often) the MEN? Too often, we focus on empowering the victims while neglecting to simultaneously teach the perpetrators to recognize their own inappropriate behaviors.

The line between flirting and harassment is often blurry. Boys and men alike often need help in identifying when it's been crossed. But, one practice is pretty safe: Keep your hands to yourself.

Oh, Those Boys Are Much Too Much!

2009-02-25T11:27:00.011-05:00

If you haven't seen this, take a few seconds to watch. The message is: "Take Time To Be A Dad Today" . . . but it's the cheerleading that makes it a must-see! Warning: it might get stuck in your head . . .

The ad is a promotion for the website fatherhood.gov. Dig around the site a bit, and you'll find some interesting articles, statistics, a fatherhood "Tip Of The Day," and even a countdown to Father's Day. Personal favorite? "20 Long Distance Activities for Dads at a Distance." Gotta love a good Scavenger Hunt!