Happy Holidays From Us To You!

Saw their performance this week on The Jay Leno Show and thought, "These are the cutest kids..." And, they sound angelic: The African Children's Choir - perfect for the holidays. (The video was removed, but here they are in another performance)

Thank you for reading our blogs, for being friends of The Girls & Boys Projects, and for taking interest in the many issues we address here. Happy Holidays, and keep doing the great work!

Makes ME Wanna Holler.

Did you ever read Nathan McCall's 1994 book Makes Me Wanna Holler? If so, you might recall a graphic and honest recount of McCall as a young boy participating in an abhorrible act - the gang rape of a young, unsuspecting girl. The section is entitled "Trains" - the nickname given to the act of one boy after another participating in this group rape. And, it makes you sick to your stomach reading it...


It's hard to get the image out of your head. The questions that arise about the attackers are endless, the answers unsatisfying. Why? How could you take part in this? What makes you think it's acceptable? How could you not care about another human being like this? There is hardly a response that will lessen the anger you feel as an outsider looking in.


And, you should know that as you read this story that came out of the Bay Area in October. On the school grounds of Richmond High School, during a homecoming dance, a 15-year old girl was brutally beaten and raped by 10 young men, while at least 20 people watched and did nothing. As with so many of these gang rapes, the victim went voluntarily to the destination - in this case, an alley near the school - but, what began as hanging out turned quickly to an attack.

The details of the story can be found in the article link above and won't be revisited here, but so many phrases from the article pop out at you: "macho," "bravado," "degradation of women." We've heard these terms associated with boys and young men for far too long. But, they are important to remind us what we're up against in raising young boys to make smart choices in becoming positive young men.

A teacher at Richmond's quotation in the article speaks volumes: "Those boys who did what they did weren't picturing that girl as a human. I think you see these kinds of boys at a lot of high schools - so desensitized it was like they saw her as a toy. Boys like that - there aren't many like them, but they can be so hard. All they needed was something to set them off."

Here's to hoping there really aren't "that many like them."

Christmas Wrapper?

New York City is hosting a contest to design the wrapper of the NYC Condom. The city gives away more than 40 million each year and provides a bunch of related information on its site. You can find a history of condoms, why and how to use them, and how to obtain free condoms. Great opportunity to increase awareness...

Let's Talk About Sex!

Jay Leno commented on a study earlier this week that revealed that parents wait too long to talk to their kids about sex. By the time they start the conversation, kids are already active. Jay's joke?

"Hey Kev, you know what you call parents who wait too long to talk about sex with their kids? Grandparents."

Nicely done, sir... But, he does bring up a good point, albeit extreme. Wait too long and... well, you may have waited too long! It's a topic that parents struggle with across the board: When is the right time to talk to my child about sex?

According to the piece in NurtureShock (a Newsweek blog), when kids start asking the questions, parents should start providing the answers. The article continually mentions "The Talk" and when to sit down with your kids. And, some of the reader comments demonstrate just how scary it can be for a parent... and just how necessary it is for a child.

But, thinking of it as "The Talk" is probably what makes it so daunting. If your children have questions about where babies come from at 3 or 4, answer those questions as honestly and directly (trying not to get lost in metaphor) as you can. And, if you feel you've left something out or need to explain something better, come back the next day and add to it. By creating ongoing dialogue, you're creating a safe space for your children to ask questions whenever they arise, thus putting the pieces in place to help them make informed decisions in life. And, you probably won't be overwhelmed with questions you're not prepared to answer (or uncomfortable with) in one session - as you might be if you wait until your child is 16!

There is no one way to go about this - each parent has to do what works best for them and what their kids need most. Hopefully, however, people will discuss less and less "The Talk" and more often, well, just talks.
__

Of course, the title of this post only makes you think... Salt-N-Pepa! They know what they're talking about...

Let's talk about sex for now 
to the people at home / or in the crowd

It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
'Cuz that ain't gonna stop it

P.S. This statistic jumped out at us: "And about 60 percent of kids had heard about contraception and STDs before their sexual initiation." It's mind-boggling to read statistics like these... and, reassuring to know just how needed programs like The Girls & Boys Projects are...

So You Know... (Boy Talk Updates)

Tiger Woods
On June 16, 2009, we posted "I'm Tiger Woods" - a piece dedicated to inspiring men to be better fathers. It was with some trepidation that we revisited the piece in the shadows of the recent revelations surrounding Tiger's extramarital indiscretions:

"And, now there is a new reason to want to be like the smiling, 33 year-old mega-star who never seems to make a wrong move: his role as 'Dad.'"

Phew. We're in the clear. Luckily for us, we focused more on Tiger's father's role as a dad than on Tiger's... That being said, The New York Times article referenced in our post really put Tiger on a pedestal. Shame on you, NYTimes... ;)


Lincoln University
"I Was Weight-Listed" is our November 24, 2009 post about the controversial, anti-obesity policy of Lincoln University in Pennsylvania. You might recall that the school requires anyone with a body mass index over 30 to demonstrate that they are trying to better their health through a required course, or by lowering their BMI.

December 2009, this from James L. DeBoy, chairman of the school's department of health, physical education and recreation: "After much discussion, we are no longer requiring students to pass the fitness test in order to graduate." The school will still attempt to work with students on being healthier, and will include additional factors to consider along with BMI.

At least the program brought much-needed attention to the severity of the obesity problem in the United States of America...

"Medicaid"... or "MedicATE"?

Did you catch the eye-opening piece in The New York Times this weekend, Poor Children Likelier to Get Antipsychotics? Fascinating... We can basically assume that there will be class disparities in almost every facet of life. Whether discussing inequities in the education system, gentrification, disease, employment, etc. those with less are seemingly always up against more. But, the notion that poor kids are being drugged at alarmingly higher rates than their middle- and upper-class counterparts with similar symptoms really seems... well, "unfair" doesn't capture it.

Studies revealed that Medicaid is prescribing antipsychotic medication four times as fast to the poorest children, and often for much less serious conditions. The problem? Obviously, no one wants to over-medicate children. But, these drugs can also lead to various complications, including heart and weight issues. It isn't bad enough that poor neighborhoods are populated with fast-food options while bereft of healthy choices, now the medicines being prescribed are compounding the problem?

Hopefully, this piece will raise the awareness of the decision makers - from doctors to health-care reformers - to analyze the current policies and practices in the prescribing of medication. The message also must reach poor parents who need to understand it is within their rights to ask questions of their insurance companies and doctors. For many groups, a doctor's word is law and is almost never questioned. But, we all have the right to gather more information, obtain second opinions, and seek alternatives to medicating.

And, where children's health is concerned, parents should have more information - not less.

A Cure For Gayness

Oh yeah?

If you haven't seen it, Rachel Maddow's interview with Richard Cohen is MUST-SEE TV... Cohen wrote a book entitled, "Coming Out Straight," in which he chronicles the many reasons one "turns" gay and how therapy can help you choose heterosexuality. He is not only a client, he's the president! Cohen himself was gay, then turned straight and is currently married with three kids.

In the interview, Maddow really holds Cohen accountable for the ideas he purports. She questions facts in his book and points out the deceptions surrounding his job title. But what is really interesting is the discussion of how his teachings are being used in Uganda to support anti-gay legislation that seems to promote the targeting and killing of homosexuals. Cohen is adamant about teaching tolerance and love for all, but Maddow effectively points out how his words breed misunderstanding, misconceptions, and hate.

It's been a while since we've posted a video here, but this one is well-worth the watch.

Books As Kindling?

This story is a few months old, but it's too fascinating to let die. Cushing Academy, a prep school outside of Boston, MA, has decided to take bold steps where books and the school library is concerned. Believing that the future is digital, the school is going to do away with most (if not all) of its 20,000+ collection of books.

Electing to invest $500,000 in a new learning center, Cushing is looking at technology to replace traditional books. Are gadgets like Amazon's Kindle, the iPod Touch, and of course computers making books obsolete? The schools actions seem to suggest so...

The mental image of a bookless library sounds completely absurd. How will kids learn to research? What about the benefits of looking at shelves where you might be reaching for one book, but notice three or four other related texts? What about students who don't have financial resources to pay for these technologies??

The reality? 1. Students are already doing most of their research online. 2. Search engines return more results than you could possibly find on a library shelf. And, 3. Schools (especially private schools like Cushing) are making sure every student has the same access to technology, often including sending students home with laptops and handheld devices.

It does indeed sound bizarre. Most of us would never want to give up our libraries. And, the experience of holding a device cannot compare to the feel and smell of a book. But, technological advancements in almost every arena bring about changes that we first resist. Newspapers are struggling in the face of free information online. DJ's have made the move from vinyl to mp3. The counter-arguments sound so familiar - about the look and feel of newspapers/records, etc. - and the thought was unimaginable a decade or two ago. Yet, here we are...

Not having books is a scary thought... But, is it scary because we're losing so much? Or, because we can't imagine what life is like without them...

e-News is Good News!

Hopefully, you've all received our second e-Newsletter, The Gender Lens. The newsletter was created last Spring in an effort to stay in better contact with the many educators and facilitators connected to our programs. If you click the image below, you will see all of the offerings of The Gender Lens, including tips for facilitators, useful websites, fun facts, and excerpts from our blogs.

As always, the success of our program depends greatly on the wonderful people facilitating it. We'd like to take a moment to say THANK YOU to those educators for all of their hard work and dedication, and to remind you all to keep sending us "stories from the field." Please tell us of any resources you are using, ways you've altered or enhanced lessons, or any thoughts you might wish to share. Our curricula are constantly evolving, and much of that direction is laid out by the feedback we get from you.

If you haven't received our e-newsletter, first check your spam folder! If it's not there, please let us know so we can address the problem: javaid@gp-bp.org. Also, If you are not signed up for our mailing list, please do so here. Thank You!

(Oh, and have you voted for us - The Institute For Labor & The Community - on Facebook? We need you, and have only a week left...)

Toddlers In Tiaras?

Not a problem, until it's your son... Or, is it a problem?

Time Out New York Kids' article profiles three kids - two toddlers and an eight-year old - who prefer to look and dress like their opposite gender. And, for the hip New York moms and dads featured, the parental route to pursue is support vs. confusion. If that's what he wants to wear, if that's what makes him happy, then why fight it?

The article's subtitle is very interesting: "Got a cross-dressing kid? Ease up on the validation, experts say—it may not be what you think." The author's point is that parents of children who like to play cross-dress-up should not rush to judgement in either direction. Historically, parents tried to 'reverse the curse,' fearing that their kids might turn out to be gay, bi, or just confused. But, many modern parents try to go the other route and support - even push - a transgender lifestyle, which according to the article is not guaranteed.

Obviously, there is no one solution. However, the study cited in the article puts the chance at 75% that a child who cross-dresses with eventually identify as homosexual or bisexual. These yearnings and demonstrations by a child may be exactly the identifiers parents are constantly looking for to tell them who their child will eventually be (you know the parents who get excited when their daughter picks up a basketball, or when their son shows an affinity for singing?). At 75%, it's a lot more than a possibility...

The article ends by acknowledging that talking to your child is the most important part of the process. Indeed, these parents may make some mistakes along the way, but as long as their kids know that they are supported, they're on the right path.

Well, If I Can't Marry... You Can't Divorce!

This story has to make you smile. John Marcotte is a 38 year-old married father of two, and he's come up with an eye-opening approach to reversing, or at least bringing awareness to, Proposition 8 in California.

You will recall that Proposition 8 made same-sex marriages illegal in California. You might also recall that the movement to make it so was fueled by various "pro-marriage" groups. Well, Marcotte is calling their bluffs. He wants to add a measure to next year's ballot that would make divorce illegal. (What?! That's just un-American!) Yes, you read correctly.

Marcotte has until March 22, 2010 to acquire over 600,000 signatures from registered voters in California. He is garnering support through his website where t-shirts are for sale to fund the movement. If he reaches that mark, the proposition will be up for vote next year. And, if it passes, it will become illegal to divorce your spouse in California.

You probably won't find many people out there who think this will pass, but you have to love the concept. If you love marriage so much, then you will want to protect it all costs. The divorce rate is over 50%; instead of making it illegal for same-sex couples to get married, why not make it illegal for "traditional" couples to divorce? It is definitely bringing some interesting discussions to the table. And, forcing some to look in the mirror.

Read an interview with Marcotte for more insights...

World AIDS Day

Today is World AIDS Day. It is a day where some stop to think of the many who have died as a result of the syndrome. Others think about the work that has already been done, as well as what works lies ahead. And, still others will give thought to the millions who suffer daily from HIV/AIDS.

It is also an important day to generate financial support and general awareness around the issues. Many companies take part in the (RED) campaign, most visibly the GAP, which donates a portion of all (RED) purchases to The Global Fund, an organization that focuses its efforts in sub-Saharan Africa.

AIDS has ripped through the African continent with a ruthlessness that makes it impossible to ignore. But, while you are giving thought to the plight of Africans struggling to win this battle, please keep in mind that there is an AIDS battle right here in America.

Blacks and Latinos continue to be disproportionately affected by the spread of HIV/AIDS. Drug use is still a factor, but we now know that so much of the blame falls at the feet of men engaging in "high-risk" behavior and bringing home HIV to their unsuspecting wives. There are social, cultural, moral, and educational battles to fight in addressing this epidemic. And, there is no easy solution . . . But, the trends certainly won't be reversed if we think only of it as an African problem.